Various factors in the history of my life have made me that way I am today. I make a decision and that's it, end of discussion. The same goes for trust. I will trust you until you give me a reason not to. Once that happens, you can't get it back. It doesn't matter. Usually the people who get close enough to hurt me like that know better.
Honestly, it's only happened a couple of times. Recently, I've wondered if I'm being juvenile. Am I less of an adult because I can't "forgive and forget?" Less of a Christian? What about the people that hurt me? They obviously didn't care, or don't care enough now to right a wrong. So I should continuously forgive and forgive and swallow my pain? I cant do that. I'm a pretty strong person, but that would break me.
It hurts me to cut people out. I just can't have the liability of the pain again. I can't wait and wonder and bathe in my own insecurity. Maybe "adults" forgive and forget because they are too afraid to make an active choice like this. Maybe I don't want to be that kind of adult.
2 comments:
If making this decision to close the door on this person is this unsettling to you, can it truly be the right thing to do, let alone what you really want?
It's the right thing for me. I said I will not be forced into accepting the decisions of others because I have a say in how my life goes and who I will include in it. If people don't care enough about me to consider my feelings then they are not worth my time and energy. If you read the blog you know I've been let down enough.
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