For a long time I never thought that my life was particularly trying. Maybe I was just oblivious or more laid back than I am now. Maybe I'm just worried all the time. Is that part of being an adult?
I literally laid awake last night mulling over everything I'm worried about. Mostly money issues or things related to money or things in my life that require money. Then I remembered I only had 3.75 hours last week. Fricken awesome. I'm just scared.
The lease is up on our house in September and the landlord is not going to renew it because the tard didn't pay the mortgage. So maybe I'll be living with my grandma again? I don't know if I can do that again. I love my grandparents, but the room is so small that a twin sized bed barely fits. A girl needs space.
I am scared. Really scared. I'm afraid my life will never go anywhere because I have no money to pay for the school to be secure later. I am just so fucking scared. Not something that I usually will admit freely.
My dad told me today that if I need help that I can ask him, and he'll do the best he can. I believe him, but I don't like to ask. I know that's stupid; he's my dad. I don't like to be a burden on people and I don't like asking for help. I don't like talking about it either, which is probably why I blog about my drama constantly. I feel like I'm whining or trying to do that stupid one-up "my life is so hard" shit. My boyfriend and my friends know what's going on but I still feel strange talking about it because what are they supposed to do? I'm not asking for anything and then that's just one more person worrying.
I'm scared, but I'll sort it out.
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