The Church of Hot Addiction

It's finally happened. I told you I would do it again.This time, I got my nose pierced. Tuesday. And.....I love it. This was the only time I've ever cried during a piercing, but it wasn't because it hurt. Your eyes inevitably tear up because it feels something like getting one of your nose hairs pulled out. The person that is doing the piercing puts a cork up the nostril you are getting pierced and pushes the needle through your skin, into the cork. Then he pulls the cork and the needle out with it. On the other end of the needle he affixes your nose ring so when the needle comes out, the ring goes in.

I really liked the nose ring he chose, but because of my job I had to put a retainer in. It's not as cool since it's invisible (and I'm worried it'll fall out in my sleep), but in a few months I'll be able to change it in and out. I'll admit, it might be an addiction, but I could be doing worse. My mom wasn't pleased and I don't think my dad knows yet. For now, though, I'm happy.

The World Has It's Shine

I really should have seen this coming. I think what surprised me most is that it was the exact opposite of what you used to tell me, to reassure me. Maybe I was blinded by how happy I was or maybe I never thought you would do something like that. I don't know.

I'm not mad, I understand. I agree, even. I am just very sad. You probably don't want to read this, you probably won't read it. I bet you told yourself not to. Whatever, it's here anyways.

You really are my best friend. Not talking to you is very hard for me, but I will respect this decision. At first I was a little angry that you decided this all on your own. Why didn't you talk to me about it? You can't choose these things for me.

He was sitting there with me when I got those texts, but I didn't have the heart to tell him what they said. I just summed it up. It was so late and I couldn't decide whether or not to cry or fume or just accept it or what.

For the past couple days I've been thinking about it and I decided you were right. It wouldn't be fair at all, we would be doomed from the start. I'm glad you knew it because I certainly didn't. Sometimes I wish you were here to talk to about all this new stuff, but how freakishly inappropriate would that be?

I want to know how you are. I want to know how you felt when I told you. I'm not going to ask you. I'm not going to call or text you or email you. I desperately want to.

I got those tickets taken care of, FYI.

I'm not trying to bait you into contact, this is just the only way I can sort through all this for myself. I'm going to be fair to him and to you and to myself.

Maybe in a few months, once I feel secure, I'll throw you a line. It will be up to you to respond, but don't for one second think that those texts will be the last things you hear from me, you can't get rid of me that easily.

I Know One Day We Will Sleep For Days

I had some massivly fricked up dreams last night.

1. I kiss a tall blonde guy, but no, not the one you are thinking of. Not any of you. You are all wrong. It was totally uncalled for. I was reading in bed this morning and wham! I remembered it. It was actually kind of funny because he told me I did it wrong.
2. This other dream wasn't bad at all, it was just odd. I must be reading way too much. I was in the car with my mom and she pulls up to this house I've never seen before and we go in and there is the guy I like and his whole family. Turns out he and his sister are some...I don't really know the word for it. Like not human......I don't know...spirit things....guardians sorta....I'm as lost as you are. My mother totally loves the lot of them and is mad I never told her. Yeah we know where this dream is going.

So Hard to Be Good, It's So Hard to Be Good

Yeah, I'm so sick of playing by the rules. However, I'm not quite sure rebellion suits me. More on this later.

I'm Bringing Sassy Back

yeah it's pretty much awesome.