I Know You're Gonna Find Your Way Back To Me

I just had an amazing, interesting 11 days. It was overwhelming, and amazing, and sometimes a little scary. Just getting to this point has been so unlikely. The fact that it even happened is a miracle in and of itself. Who am I to write it off?

The thought of even liking you never dawned on me. And love? Not in a million years. I wasn't ready to consider that. So when you told me you liked me I was shocked. How could that be? Why had I never thought of that? It didn't take me long to see that I liked you too. Alot. Alot more than I probably should have.


Still, it didn't really mean anything. There was nothing either of us could do about it. So we talked. Then, we talked more. When you talk to someone that much you either fall in love or start to get annoyed. I don't recall ever being annoyed. So when you dropped the L bomb, I was shocked again.

It took me some time to absorb that one. What was it, three weeks? How patient you are. It wasn't that I didn't love you, obviously I did. I just had to be ok with it before I could tell you. I was having a hard time justifying it to myself. How could I possibly love you? What kind of claim did I have to you? Once again, I said it back but there was nothing we could do. So we stayed just friends, kind of.

Half a year later, I'm on a plane to see you. I don't know how nervous you were, but the second I stepped off the plane into the hangar, I was a wreck. There was officially no turning back. What if our chemistry was a fluke? What if your family hated me? It's not like I could turn around, so I walked on. Then I saw you. You were standing there exactly like I thought you would be. Faux nonchalance.

One awkward hug and an extremely chivalrous baggage claim later, you got lost in a parking garage. And I thought you were smart...kidding. There began one of the best weeks of my life. I wouldn't change a thing. Well, ok maybe one thing, but not the thing you would change.

When I got home, I was sad, but everything went back to how it used to be. I think you had a harder time with the seperation than I did. That's how I've always been I guess. That's not to say I was happy about it, or even ok. I love you and it's hard to be apart from someone you love. Our disagreements got more and more frequent. Soon, I just wouldn't say anything because I was tired of not talking to you. I hated the awkward calls when we both knew I was mad but didn't want to actually bring it up.

Things got better, though. Your arrival was approaching and any friction we had was set aside because our happiness to be together overshadowed it. Once again, I was pretty self-conscious when I went to pick you up. I kept finding reasons this time would be different than last time. I kind of shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind so I could focus on the things I had to do. Drive. Remember where I lived. Breathe.

Looking back on the time you spent here, it was pretty up and down. Just a word to the wise, don't call a girl manly and you'll have more ups than downs. Everyone loved you though, I was so happy.

I'm not sure what we are now. I hope that we don't break and go back to what we were or end up not talking to each other. I don't want to lose my best friend. There are so many things I want to say, but I know I shouldn't. I guess we'll just have to hope that with time, it get's easier. I'll always love you.

When You Walk My Way Hope It Gives You Hell

Hey you.

I'm happy. So to all those things that get me down: Fuck You. :D

Depression is so five minutes ago.

...

Today was a normal day, and usually I would be all emo about it, but not today. It was a good day. I woke up around noon, although I'm not proud of it. Took a shower. Had some Cheerios and raisins. Did some laundry. Cleaned up the garbage my dogs got everywhere. The family came home and I went to work. It went rather smoothly even though I had to use this ancient deathtrap instead of my nice, new skyjack. I came home around midnight. Just an ok day.