I Know I Could Never Face Someone Who Could Look Like You

So after years of tolerating my stepmom's general bitchiness and her offhand snide comments, I yelled at her. Really yelled at her. It felt good, but I knew that I burned the bridge to living at my dad's. Now I'm in my mom's new house.

She woke me up last Monday at 7 A.M. and told me I couldn't "sleep all day." I guess 7 is considered late in delusionland. I had worked pretty late the night before and I was still very tired, but in an effort to maintain what sliver of tolerance I had for her I got in the shower. I was upset that she woke me up so harshly (I don't think getting 6 hours of sleep qualifies me as a "princess") and I began to cry in the shower.

I don't cry often because it makes me feel weak. I do everything I can to hide it if I do cry. So when I began to sob uncontrollably in the shower, I knew I couldn't just walk out and go about with my day because I couldn't stop. It took all I had to keep it quiet enough so she wouldn't hear me over the water.

Once I pulled it together, I got out and got dressed and put my hamper full of dirty clothes in the washing machine. I took my dad's clothes out of the dryer and began folding them in the living room thinking I was safe from more pointless persecution since my stepmom was in my room job hunting. I was wrong. She waltzed out of my room and down the hall to the living room to ask me tersely why I wasn't living with my mother.

Now, I love my mom and I know she tries, but it's hard to live when you never know if you'll have to pack up at a moment's notice and live with a random relative for God knows how long. I thought I might stay at my dad's to maintain some kind of stability.

When she asked my why I wasn't living with my mom, the dam broke and I just yelled at her, "What does it matter? I've put up with your comments and dislike towards me for years and I'm fucking tired of it. I don't know what I did to make you hate me but I won't put up with you anymore." She then went on to tell me that I never follow the one rule she set down and I told her that even when I do follow it, she finds something else to be mad at me about.

She vehemently denied that, but I didn't expect her to own up to her own flaws. I brought up the fact that her son can come and go as he pleases and she told me that it was different for him because it's her house. I asked her, wasn't it my dad's house too? Don't I deserve the same privileges? I guess I don't, she said that she pays the bills so it's her house.

"Whose room is that back there? Whose bed is that?" I asked her.

"My room! My house, my room! I'm tired of your princess act!" She replied.

"You won't have to worry about it, I'm moving out!" I finished.

I went down into the basement and waited for my clothes to dry and cried. A little loudly, I'm ashamed to admit. I texted my dad about it and he basically replied to me with lighthearted jokes. I know he loves me and I know he wants me to stay there, but I can't. She is such a self-righteous bitch. I can't handle it.

"Where am I supposed to go where it's stable AND I'm wanted?" I asked my dad.

Your Father, He Said He Needs You. Your Mother, She Said She Loves You. Your Brothers, They Echo the Words.

Well that was an angry post. I'm just worn out. I like living out here, but driving to school and to work is pretty taxing. The Fiero won't start which is also kind of any issue. haha. The thing is, it's quiet here. I see my dad pretty often, which I missed. I think I need a list.

Cons for Dad's house:

• Far from work.
• Far from school.
• Far from my mom's family.
• Far from Alex.
• Fiero is not working and my dad is not very sure why.

Pros for Dad's house: (I wrote "prose" at first, I laughed)

• Quiet.
• No one in my business all the time.
• I get to spend time with my brothers, I missed them.
• DAD
• I'm finding locations out here for my company to open stores. ($2,000 finders fee! each!)
• Close to my dad's family.
• Alex understands.
• My dad will fix the Fiero. Maybe find me a new car?

I wish my families didn't live so far apart. My mom said she is signing a lease on Monday so I could "come home" if I wanted to. I want to bring my company out here and I want to be successful at something. My dad told my stepmom that me living here is temporary, but I kind of want to stay indefinitely. I love my dad and my brothers, and I miss them because I can never get out here when I live at my mom's. I'm pretty torn now.