I Gotta Work It

I started a new job this past Monday.  I am a temporary receptionist for a major pharmaceutical company. My first week went by pretty fast, but I'm still trying to figure out the scope of my responsibilities.  Some of the people there have no patience for my lack of knowledge.  A lot of different things go through me, but at first I didn't even know they were my responsibility. Naturally people got frustrated, but so was I.

I have higher self confidence. This job is a major pay increase.  With my hourly rate and the number of hours I have, I am quadrupling my monthly income. That's huge. I feel like less of a burden.  Everyone (almost) is so proud of me. I don't want to let anyone down.  This is a huge opportunity and I'm afraid that I won't get hired or my contract extended at the end. It might seem silly to aspire to hold down a receptionist position, but this is like my big break.  I could actually go back to school and pay off my debt. I could have a car that starts and stops.

Nobody's Perfect

I know it sounds selfish that I want people to be proud of me.  I never felt the need to impress anyone, but when you are there for someone through their drama and successes you expect it back.  That's called friendship. So when I got this new job that was a really big deal to me, I thought that certain people would be interested and supportive. I was wrong. It's like it doesn't even register to them that this is a big deal. Not all of us want to be famous.  I don't need my ego fluffed, I just want a reciprocal friendship. I don't think that's a lot to ask. Especially since I coddle people's emotions all the time. Maybe I don't need to coddle them. Maybe if I stop they will see there are other people in the world with goals and feelings.  Just because those things are different doesn't mean they are wrong, either.

I am really enjoying this new job, but it's like my house fell apart while I was there. No one did any dishes for a week. Not one. The dishwasher doesn't work if you don't turn it on. No one cleaned anything.  I work 7 days a week now and I'm not going to have the time or energy to clean constantly like I did before. It might not have even looked like I was, but I was.  It's part of growing up that you have to contribute to your little group. I don't understand why it's only me doing these things.

I feel like a burden when I have to get a ride to or from work, but I do some dropping off and picking up too.  Then I come home and do a week's worth of dishes and laundry all the while fuming about the lack of recognition or interest.

I'm worth something. I contribute. I try so hard and I feel like no one gives a shit.

Instead of being proud of me for getting a job I worked hard to get, it's like everyone just sees it as a lower expense for them.

I'm worth something.
I'm worth something.
I'm worth something.

Make Me Go All Out

My job search has not been fruitful. I feel like I'm qualified for most grunt work and even some slightly skilled work. I have applied for quite a few jobs, and no bites yet. I'm still optimistic.

I've applied for healthcare, retail and office jobs. I've had retail jobs, a healthcare job and I'm proficient in all Microsoft Office programs. Statistics these days are saying that there are new jobs everyday so I think eventually something will come up.

Here's to searching...

When Will it Stop?

Ok, so I have this problem with saying no. I don't like to let people down so I tend to pile a lot on my plate without thinking. Like I posted before, I got a full time job. I also took on a side job at a podiatrist office on my days off so I could get some experience in the field.

It turns out this podiatrist needs some new forms and documents made up because hers are out of date. I volunteered my layout skills and my new software for the job.

Later, my boyfriend's mom got to talking with me (for the first real time) about how her friends are doing an opera and how she's doing the costumes and can I sew? So like an idiot (or a girl looking for her boyfriend's mother's approval) I told her about my costume experience and how I have my own machine. So she delegates a few costumes to me.

Don't forget, I am still in school. None of this would be a problem if I didn't have to worry about my family. We just had a death in the family and I want to be with them to make sure they are ok. Also, I just learned that one of my high school classmates died tragically.

Both of these deaths have had different effects on me. My step-grandma's death was bittersweet. She suffered for so long, both physically and emotionally. I know she was never the same after her husband died and then her long battles with mental illness and physical illness took their toll. Now she is back with her husband and out of pain. What really pains me about all of this is how her children and immediate family are acting.

You would think that they are looking to blame her death on each other when it was really just her time. They all want control over the little things instead of comforting each other in this time.

Then there is my high school classmate. He was such a sweet, personable guy. His death could have been 100% prevented. It just goes to show how fragile our lives really are. He was so young, and I am completely shocked.

As if that wasn't enough, but my boyfriend was attacked by his brother for no reason. I think his brother is a little paranoid. I keep making him come over because I don't want him around his brother. He has enough on his plate with a medical mystery, he doesn't need a psycho beating on him every other day.

I'm a touch overwhelmed.

I'll Show You What This Girl Can Do

I just started this job. It's a little different than the jobs I've had before. I don't like starting new jobs because I don't like the feeling of not knowing everything. I want to help everyone that comes in with their problem, but I can't because I'm so fresh. It's not like my old job. If I messed up there I could just give them a credit or a free rental. Here, one mistake could end up costing someone a lot of money.

I can use a cell phone. I know how to change things and some basic troubleshooting, but sometimes I am completely lost and even searching through the phone doesn't work. Then I look stupid.

Despite my apprehensions, I intend to give this job 100%. I want to succeed. I am scared a little, but I've always felt this way before and I always became very successful. I just need to keep reminding myself to relax. I can do this.

So Baby, Make a Move

So I've been working at my new full-time job at a major wireless carrier as a sales rep for 2 weeks now. Today is going to be the first day that I'll be alone there. I'm not nervous at all. Most of the people that come in are really nice and they know a lot about us already. (Aside from this one super racist cab driver that came in)

As much as I enjoy the job, it's not really in my field. I have another friend whose aunt is a doctor and she needs some help 1 or 2 days a week with paperwork. I've agreed to help out on my days off so that I can get a little tiny bit of experience in the healthcare field.

I feel like I'm checking a lot off my life to-do list. I got a MacBook for my birthday, I got a full-time job, I have active plans to move out, I got a sweet new Droid phone, I'm going to school, and I'm saving to buy a car. My sister actually yelled at me and told my I was being ridiculous for "fixing my life so fast." She was actually mad at me for taking control of my life.

My mom gets mad at me, too, for watching my own back. She thinks that I don't care about anyone else in my house. I told her that I do, but if I don't make sure I get what I need (i.e. a ride to work/school) then no one else will. She doesn't like that at all.

I am feeling good right now. Maybe I'm moving forward.

Do Work, Son

I want to share a very monumental moment in my life. I got my first, for real, full-time job. 40 hours a week, every week for the forseeable future. I'm thrilled. My paychecks are going to be the same every week. I can budget and save for the future.

I can also still go to school. I am so happy. I wasn't really looking for something new, but my old job was giving me very inconsistant hours despite my very consistant work. My friend told me that his brother was hiring for a full-time position and he told me to e-mail my resume so I did. I got the call for an interview. Honestly, I didn't think it went that great. It was the first interview I've had that they didn't offer me the job at the end.

I patiently waited and about a week later I got the call that I'd been hired. I was trembling I was so nervous to put my 2 weeks in. I felt bad because most of the staff at my old job was still new. I didn't want to leave them scrambling for shift leaders. My manager understood that this was the move I needed to make at this point in my life.

So far, I've had one hour of training, but I can't wait to really get started. I finally feel like I'm moving forward.

Your Father, He Said He Needs You. Your Mother, She Said She Loves You. Your Brothers, They Echo the Words.

Well that was an angry post. I'm just worn out. I like living out here, but driving to school and to work is pretty taxing. The Fiero won't start which is also kind of any issue. haha. The thing is, it's quiet here. I see my dad pretty often, which I missed. I think I need a list.

Cons for Dad's house:

• Far from work.
• Far from school.
• Far from my mom's family.
• Far from Alex.
• Fiero is not working and my dad is not very sure why.

Pros for Dad's house: (I wrote "prose" at first, I laughed)

• Quiet.
• No one in my business all the time.
• I get to spend time with my brothers, I missed them.
• DAD
• I'm finding locations out here for my company to open stores. ($2,000 finders fee! each!)
• Close to my dad's family.
• Alex understands.
• My dad will fix the Fiero. Maybe find me a new car?

I wish my families didn't live so far apart. My mom said she is signing a lease on Monday so I could "come home" if I wanted to. I want to bring my company out here and I want to be successful at something. My dad told my stepmom that me living here is temporary, but I kind of want to stay indefinitely. I love my dad and my brothers, and I miss them because I can never get out here when I live at my mom's. I'm pretty torn now.

I Was Floating Down That Riverway

So I guess I should update. I've really been trying to get on this more, it always makes me feel like I've crossed my t's and dotted my i's.

Anyway...

Work
I put my two weeks in at Showplace and started training at my new job. It is very strange to start something new. I've been at Showplace for so long, I know everthing an employee can do there so I think my new job will take some getting used to. The silver lining is no more horrifying bowties! Or idiot coworkers!


Holidays
I started my Christmas shopping, also. So far I have some clothes for my little goddaughter, but I think she needs a toy or two to play with while she looks so adorable in the clothes. I have a few gifts already picked out for some other people too. I like getting a head start, that way I won't be strapped for cash later.


Cars
The Fiero is running pretty well these days, but the Shaggin' Wagon is dead forever. It only took us 8 months for us to kill it. So as of right this second, we have a two-seater car for 6 people. Logistics nightmare.

School
I just got all my bowls back from being glaze fired and they look (mostly) awesome! Maybe I'll get some pics up here. I put my lamp in the kiln room to be fired so hopefully I'll have a lamp to glaze soon. My ceramics class has moved on to working on wheels and I am hopelessly bad at it. I work there for hours, get covered in clay and make maybe 2 successful cups. 2 not so hot cups. I guess it's ok, because they are cup shaped, but other than that...meh.

Biology was pretty hard because it was all chemistry but now we are on to genetics and DNA so I'm as happy as I could possibly be. ( a XXX female isn't as scandalous as it sounds)

Family
My cousin just had her baby so now there are five living generations of my family. It's basically awesome. Holidays are coming up so pandemonium is sure to ensue.

Afterthoughts...
I think I'll need to move out soon. Living at home just isn't smart anymore. I think it would be better (financially) for my parents if I was out of there. I don't know how I would do it, but I'll figure it out. Sooner the better.

Everyone's Lookin at You Like They Want to Go Home With You

Every girl at my work loves to tell me all about their lives and who they like and what's going on with them. It's been like that forever. Girls like to talk to me. Girls who barely know me. I'm not sure why, but it happens.

Over the past couple years girls have been telling me that -in varying degrees- they like the guy I'm with now. Before I would just agree with them or remind them that he has a girlfriend or that he is their boss, depending on when they mentioned it.

So now when it happens, I can't help but laugh. I know what it's like to like him and for him to be oblivious. I all but gave up on him before he asked me out. It seems, though, that as soon as we started dating every girl in the building was amorous towards him and felt an enormous compulsion to tell me about it. One girl told me all about how they wanted to sleep with him and how hot he was...EVERYDAY.

We have to keep our relationship hush hush at work or he'll get fired, and I don't want that on my conscience. So these girls tell me all these things that I'm sure they wouldn't if they knew we were going out. I had to tell one girl not to keep saying these things because the other employees would think something was going on between she and him. Awkward.

Boys Boys Boys, We Love Them

On the good news front:

• My son-of-a-bitch, panda-ass whore of a boss was transferred
• I'm gonna watch some chillens this summer
• tan!
• Makin some $$$

Today, I went to work and it wasn't so bad. More people came to see Hangover than I expected. Sooo glad I didn't have to close. Altogether a good day, even though it started with some groggy crabiness.

Stuff Katie wants to do this summer:

• Fill up her diary
• Go to concerts
• At least one out of state roadtrip
• Boy(s)?
• Get into college
• Save some lettuce
• Swim at least once a week
• Remember to tell the people she loves that she loves them
• Paint something that actually looks like she has talent
• Be more honest

They're like, "Alright, what you saying? Yeah can I take your digits?"

• It's my mom's birthday. I totally forgot because I've had so much on my mind. Frickers.
• I applied for a job at H&M last night, or this morning rather, like 3 AM.
• Moving out is looking really appealing.
• I like Diet Coke, I've been drinking alot of it lately.
• My hours at work have been going back up, thank God.
• I keep getting mixed signals and maybe I'm guy retarded but my brain is all messed up.
• My great grandma is cute. Still sassy.

In The Mood

In my psych class, we learned about the nature of males and females. That girls try harder to be people pleasers at a very early age. It's actually why we are better at communicating than males. We speak because it makes people happy. Males are less caring about pleasing others so they do what they want - explore. That's why males crawl and walk faster. Women can recognize emotion before they even recognize that it's a face they are looking at. All in order to figure out how best to make the person happy, or to maintain their happiness. I think this is pretty accurate. I find myself basing decisions off of what other people (might) think. I want to make people happy all the time.

It's definitely something that everyone, male or female, does. I think it's mostly a subconscious thing, though. We live in a time when everyone has to be unique. Individuality is stressed as well as excellence. We are all supposed to shine.

But why is that? In earlier time in this past century, conformity was key. When women broke a few glass ceilings here and there there was more competition in the workforce and that competition now contained massive amounts of people pleasers. As a result, well all have to fight to shine because as women fill positions that men once held and men have to adapt to our natural disposition. It's all quite ironic.

Take A Bow

I need a new job! A real job! I'm sick of minimum wage and crappy work environments!

Now If She Does It Like This Will You Do It Like That?

I've noticed that when you go through one major life milestone people start to ask about all your other ones. Probably because these are cause for reconnection. Since my recent graduation people have been peppering me with questions.

1. Where are you going?
2. What are you studying?
3. Why? Why? Why?
4. What do you want to do?
5. Why do you have so much attitude?
6. So are you engaged yet? (interesting, to me anyway)
7. Do you have a boyfriend?
8. Do you have a job?
9. Where?
10. How much do you make?
11. Why are you still there?

What sort of rights do they think they have? I find it quite interesting that people I rarely or never talk to feel themselves to be worthy of the details of my life. Oh and it gets better. They have an opinion on all of it. That's the kicker.

Sometimes I wonder if somewhere someone decided I owe some allegiance to these people. Like I have to pay them a tithing of my life. Like they have some kind of ownership of me. Obviously human beings are relational and perhaps they are trying to cultivate some kind of rapport with me, but when I tell them all of this and they form an opinion, it's all for nothing. They go home after the cake and presents and forget or write off the events of the day. Or even better. They pass on everything to people I am 100% sure I have no ties to. Days later, I get some report from my mom of my aunt's coworker's daughter's life and how it relates to mine and what I should do similarly/differently to hers.

I know what you are waiting for, though. You want the answers too, right? Of course, human beings are curious. So here goes.

1. Harper College
2. Something math related, or science.
3. I'm good at it.
4. I want to be a doctor one day.
5. It's both a defense mechanism and a source of entertainment for me.
6. No. Although that would make my life so Days of our Lives it's not even funny.
7. Nope. Not for lack of effort.
8. Yeah.
9. A movie theatre.
10. $7.50 an hour.
11. How should I know? My friends I guess.

S.O.S. Please, Someone Help Me

Ok, if you've ever seen Dane Cook's bit about the DMV, you'll understand the last 3 hellish days of my life. Just in case you haven't seen it, I'll provide it. You know that feeling he describes at about 57 seconds? Yeah. Imagine that for about 8 hours.




It's over and I'm $436.50 richer for 3 days of work. When they ask me to come back next year, I'm just going to throw my head back, laugh, and hang up. No Second Thoughts.

Welcome to the Jungle

For four years, I've worked in the Drama Department and this year I decided to take on a role of great responsibility. I'm not complaining, I'm actually a little amazed about what happened yesterday and will continue on to today.

We had our costume parade. Today and yesterday are basically the days that the director of the production critiques and reviews all the choices I (and my crew) have made. It's slightly frustrating, but all in all, its very useful for me as a chief. (plus I love the satisfaction I get from giving that "I told you so" look to the moderators who overrided my choices)

Important things come up like how half the Ensemble is missing character shoes, yay, or how one girl has half a dress. that was exciting. I am, however, extremely proud of the progress we've made. The production is Kiss Me Kate, a big deal for our little group. All the costume changes and period pieces were hard to organize, but we have almost all of it finished.

I think it's the only time I've ever heard a guy go, "I'm so sick of racks."

P.S. Anne is making a thesis for her blockage

Hey Drummer Boy! I Need a Drumroll Please.

So here I am, it's December 23rd. Im not worried, Im not concerned. Im downright terrified of the next 2 days. I think I might be a Christmas failure. There are 9 people in my immediate family. Guess how many gifts I have for them. Oh that's right, none. Frickers! Usually I hate the last minute shoppers and now I join their ranks. Quite the demotion, let me assure you.

I might be able to get in on a few of my sister's gifts, but she is giving a ton of people crocs and I just can't be a part of that. Say I do get in on a few of hers, that still leaves all of my siblings and my dad. Why God, why?

Solutions! Tommorow's agenda is something I can work with. I have breakfast at my grandma's and then I can shop for a few hours. I'm magical with power shopping so I should be ok. Then if I hurry I can still make it to church, then off to work for about 2 hours, change and look awesome for the rest of Christmas Eve with the Irishmen. It's gonna be tricky, but honestly, I'm so much better under pressure. ( ahh Billy Joel how I love thee).

Let's talk about how it's going to work clotheswise. Now Im not like every other girl in the sense that I put on an outfit for the day and that's it. That is what I'm wearing. Tommorow is going to be a ton different. Hopefully I can pull off pjs to breakfast, then casual, then work, then dressy. *sigh* I dont wanna. Whatever.

Am I making any sense at all? I havent all day and I dont think Im any better. Maybe it was all the drugs for the sickness, maybe it is my natural oddities. Either way, I was probably unfit for work. Yeah, work was a bad choice. I get there at 9:20. So 20 minutes late, oops. The janitors got locked out so they are cleaning as Im opening. Well kinda. Opening was bad. Im horrible at it as it is, but today was a complete joke. I'm all messed up because I medicated myself numb, and the popper is broken and the manager I have at my disposal is mediocre at best. Thank God, there are more people coming in at 10. They get there and my manager assures me I'll get off early because I'm sick and we wont be busy. liar.

I spent 8 hours in that theatre half lucid and in charge. Finally some crew leaders get there to take over the delegation aspect and one is laughing at how I am making no sense and the other keeps telling me I look funny. Little do they know, I'm actually a ton better than I was yesterday. Just still sucky. haha.

I get through my shift and come home, all I ask is that my mom brings me a shirt for under my dress and she comes home with the last thing I want. Of course I was upset. I have had a really trying day and she comes home with this and it pushes me over. She thinks that it's only the shirt, but really its everything. Things I'll tell her, things I wont.

Right now, I am the epitome of emotionally drained and now I'm all emo. hurrah. I just want to feel better because for the next 2 weeks, I'll be going nonstop. Tommorow is Christmas Eve, the most intense family day for me of the year. Then its off to my dad's family after I do Christmas morning with my mom. Then I have work until close *dies* I get wednsday off, but really, I have to pack for Wisconsin. Then work, then well, Wisconsin. Before I know it, it's 2008. Another year, that many more things I have to do. I'll bet anything it's going to be one of the best years of my life though. Silver lining baby.

things to do today and for a while

ok this all goes back to September when my whore of a sister refused to get out of bed, 13 times. this causes me to be late for early bird gym. 13 times. subsequently my gym teacher gives me a detention. 13 times. so now i have to spend either an hour copying down religious articles by hand or spending 20 mins with my insane art teacher. 13 times. i have a week and a half to get these done. oh frickalick.



so finals in a week and a half. this means i need to get all my missing work in and completed perfectly for any salvagable grade. then i have to study. im not the kind of student who gets all nazi come december, im just trying to make sure i dont totally fail at life. i took extra classes this semester, dont ask me why, im just an idiot who likes to learn way too much for her own good.



on top of that, i got a speeding ticket for speeding in a school zone, i like to go fast, but i knew better. darners. so now i have a court date, coincidentally its during an actual final. how am i supposed to swing that? so now i have to take a trip to the courthouse after some detentions to see if i can change the date.



i also have a job. its necessary for me to function. i need to pay for gas, school stuff, anything i need other than shelter and food and now a huge speeding ticket then xmas gifts hurrah. so late nights on sundays and thursdays. the occasional monday. this takes alot of time out of the mounting homework pile i seem to be getting.



i didnt do any ministry this semester because they changed the deadlines in the ministry office. so now i have to go in and see the ministry coordinator and see if she'll let me do the entire years worth in one semester instead of having to do half in the summer, so i can avoid being a super senior.