So my last post was really emotional. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I would like to say that I'm trying to deal with these new emotions and so far it hasn't been very successful. I don't know anyone who has dealt with something similar and I have no experience with this either. Up until this point I've had a fairly clean bill of health.
Now all I do is question everything and everyone. Now that my future is fuzzier than ever, what else has changed? Maybe my relationship isn't what I thought it was or maybe I'm crazy. Maybe my family isn't what I thought it was. My friends are far away and stressed out enough with their own lives. How am I supposed to vent about my quarter life crisis?
My first instinct is to flee. I've been moving from house to house my entire life so maybe I feel like I need a fresh start. Maybe if one thing is changing in my life it gives me an excuse to act irrationally to change everything else. I think I just need reassurance. That there is someone in the universe whose happiness relates to mine. Someone whose kisses feel like love, not obligation. Someone who listens to my frustrations with empathy instead of defensiveness. Someone who holds me at night because they want to not because I've asked. I want to be someone's first choice before everything else in spite of my craziness and defectiveness. I want to look into someone's eyes and see they think I'm something else, something special. I need someone to save me from myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment