I'm Really Lucky Underneath It All

Lately, I've been having alot of firsts:

1. The first time I didn't consult my dad about a decision.


2. The first time he's ever been mad at me.


3. My first college experiences.


4. The first time I've been palpable financial supporter of my family.


5. My first flight totally alone.


6. The first time my mom has ever trusted me to do something for myself.


7. The first time I walked down the street holding the hand of someone I care about and not worrying about the barrage of questions I'll inevitably get because, for once, I really don't care who sees.


8. The first time I slept in someone else's bed, with someone who isn't related or a girl. Take that dad.


9. First kiss.

Sometimes I wonder if I put too much or too little on this blog. There is a place in my mind where I catalogue all my blog ideas and very rarely do I post them. I love that there are people who read this, but at the same time I wish no one did or I wish everyone did. I want people to know what I think or what happens to me, but I also wish everything was a secret. I guess I just want people to be interested.

This is the Way That We Love

So here are some pictures. My mom and my grandmother were frustrated that I didn't take more people pictures. I'm just a landscape kind of girl I guess.

The traffic to O'Hare.

An Elk, there were a plethora.

A waterfall and the alluvial fan. James fell down it. :P

View out of the back of the van on our way to Long's Peak.

Some cool yellow trees.

Just a shot I liked.

Some echinacea. I think that's how it's spelled.

Rocky Mountain High

So I just got back from this awesome vacation. All family drama aside, I had a great time and I think (other than the obvious) it was because it was 100% stress free. Of course, I loved who I was with and the mountains were gorgeous. I don't know, I think this was exactly what I needed.

However, I'm really tired. I'm going to bed. More on this later?

But I'll Grind Against Your Bones...

Well that was depressing. I guess I'm just doing what every other transitioning kid is right now -- complaining. Haha. I guess I'm just not happy with what I have. Sounds pretty ungrateful, right? I know, I can't help it. I just try to make everyone happy, and that's not the right thing I guess. I shouldn't worry what they think. Yeah I'm going to stop worrying.

I guess this spawned that last revelation.

It says (in case you can't read it):

1. Border guards are paid to be assholes. Just stay calm

2. Drug dogs aren't trained to detect

3. Boxes of shins.

Also:

I find this song creepily, disgustingly perfect. Thoughts?

I'm a killer

Cold and wrathful

Silent sleeper

I've been inside your bedroom

I've murdered half the town

Left you love notes on their headstones

I'll fill the graveyards

Until I have you

Moonlight walking

I smell your softness

Carnivorous and lusting

To track you down among the pines

I want you stuffed into my mouth

Hold you down and tear you open

Live inside you

Oh, love I'd never hurt you

But I'll grind against your bones

Until our marrows mix

I will eat you slowly

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood pulled through my veins

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood

I wake in terror

Blackbirds screaming

Dark cathedrals spilling

Midnight on their alters

I'm your servant

My immortal

Pale and perfect

Such unholy heaving

The statues close their eyes

The room is changing

Break my skin

And drain me

Ancient language

Speak through fingers

The awful edges

Where you end and I begin

Inside your mouth

I cannot see

There's catastrophe

In everything I'm touching

As I sweat and crush you

And I hold your beating chambers

Until they beat no more

You die like angels sing

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood pulled through my veins

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood

You're a ghost, love

Nightgown flowing

Your body blue and walking

Along the continental shelf

You are a dream among the sharks

Beautiful and terrifying

Living restless

We dance in dark suspension

And you bury me

In the ocean floor beneath you

Where they'll never hear us scream

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood pulled through my veins

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood

It's actually very funny to hear. I know it seems frighteningly macabre here, but it's desperate and funny. In my opinion.