I Can Be Loathsome, I Can Wholesome

I've been home for an hour, and usually I don't stay up this late. I can't get to bed, and I'm not sure why. I keep telling myself it's the heat. Maybe it isn't? I think the summer heat brings out reality for me. Summer is so full of anticipation and hope and it makes me nervous. It makes me wonder about the mistakes I've made. About things I did that I don't think are mistakes, but seem wrong all the same.

I want to walk across the street and into the lake and just swim for a while. In the middle of the night. That would be relaxing.

I can't just go back to my bed and lay in the heat and think about everything. I'll lose my mind.

I keep talking about moving forward, but I'm not sure that I'm ready. I keep doubting everything for no reason. This is so stupid. I don't even know what I'm talking about. Why do I think so hard about every damn tiny little thing? It's going to be my downfall one day.

Remember when you are young and love is desperate and intense and crazy and idiotic? Your whole life is made or broken in a matter of instances and in some odd way it feels like it's normal? Everything stays exciting, but it also gets real and you are suddenly responsible for not only this other new person, but everyone that contacts your relationship. Then your love compared to their love and their old loves and your old loves and you wonder which is most correct.

Then you look at your love and you are so happy and relaxed and that teenage you is like, "Why didn't I have that? It's not so scary."

How do people that make the right choices make them? Is it just an impulse or instinct or do they really think it through? Is it wrong to consider your options before deciding or is that calculating? Can you be smart without being a shrew?

This is the Way That We Love

So here are some pictures. My mom and my grandmother were frustrated that I didn't take more people pictures. I'm just a landscape kind of girl I guess.

The traffic to O'Hare.

An Elk, there were a plethora.

A waterfall and the alluvial fan. James fell down it. :P

View out of the back of the van on our way to Long's Peak.

Some cool yellow trees.

Just a shot I liked.

Some echinacea. I think that's how it's spelled.

Haven't You Heard That I'm the New Cancer?

Think about it.

Everybody's Gonna Love Today, Love Today, Love Today

I'm doing laundry and I think I just might have found the cure for everything. I know, I know, you are very welcome. No charge, I assure you. Just go do your laundry. and blog. Do that too. It feels great. Laundry and blogs. Jesus. Crack. yeah.......

Seriously, what else do we need in life more than clean underwear and getting our thoughts out of our brains? not much, that's what. psh, food is for losers. Sure my room still looks like I sleep with pigs, but do I care? Not at all because I have clean clothes and you know what I think about it. Genius. :D