Stood on the Edge of Your Bridge Until I Felt the Rain

I'm kind of scared of myself. I dig myself these holes. I cry everyday, now.


I just want to erase everything from my past and start over.


Somewhere new, but still the same. I always think Seattle. At least then I could have the rain.

Baby When It's Love If It's Not Rough It Isn't Fun

I've been pondering alot lately about the state of my life. I bitch, I moan, but where does it get me? No where.

I think a little piece of me enjoys the drama. It keeps my life from getting stagnant, but mostly it bugs the shit out of me. On that note, I got some good news today. My parents met with a financial planner to help them sort out their rediculous financial situation so that maybe one day I can go back to school and make something of my life. So my siblings can live in a house as a family instead of spread around our extended family.

I'm so happy my parents are taking responsibility and taking steps to improve this massively unsavory situation. All I can do now is keep saving my money and hope to God this all pans out.

If You Say Goodbye Today, I Ask You to Be True

Indecision is something that people face everyday. It could be simply muffin or bagel? It might be as complicated as teacher or doctor? I understand indecision. I face it everyday, we all do.

The hardest aspect of it is when indecision involves the life of someone else. Then we have to consider their needs and emotions. That is sometimes forgotten. We think only of ourselves. It's not that we don't care about the others, of course we do! It's that we assume either A) they want us to do what we want despite any concerns we may have or B) we forget they will be affected by our choices.

What happens when you are the other person? When someone else makes a decision that impacts your life? I'll tell you what happens. You accept it. Whether or not you like it, you accept it. You think to yourself, they don't know how much it hurts you, and you choose to keep it to yourself, the pain. Why bring them into it? They should be happy, they should get what they want.

It happens. It happens to me all the time. It happens to everyone.

Your father marries a woman who doesn't love you. Your landlord evicts your family. They just want love, they just want to stay in the black. You deal with it. You might hurt for a while, but you just keep going.

You look to the future. You decide you'll think of others. You'll treat people right. You might suffer a little, but you don't want people to hurt like you hurt everyday.

All these things are slightly painful. What hurts the most is when they go back on the choice. They decide that they made a mistake, but the damage is done. You are a little more cracked. A little more raw.

And when they go back? It hurts again. That they think you and your emotions will just bend to their will again. You can't help but just accept it again. You liked how it used to be. You convince yourself it will be the same. That love you were afraid to lose, the comfort you had, you want it so badly.

You wonder how much longer it will be until you can't take it anymore.