I started a new job this past Monday. I am a temporary receptionist for a major pharmaceutical company. My first week went by pretty fast, but I'm still trying to figure out the scope of my responsibilities. Some of the people there have no patience for my lack of knowledge. A lot of different things go through me, but at first I didn't even know they were my responsibility. Naturally people got frustrated, but so was I.
I have higher self confidence. This job is a major pay increase. With my hourly rate and the number of hours I have, I am quadrupling my monthly income. That's huge. I feel like less of a burden. Everyone (almost) is so proud of me. I don't want to let anyone down. This is a huge opportunity and I'm afraid that I won't get hired or my contract extended at the end. It might seem silly to aspire to hold down a receptionist position, but this is like my big break. I could actually go back to school and pay off my debt. I could have a car that starts and stops.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Nobody's Perfect
I know it sounds selfish that I want people to be proud of me. I never felt the need to impress anyone, but when you are there for someone through their drama and successes you expect it back. That's called friendship. So when I got this new job that was a really big deal to me, I thought that certain people would be interested and supportive. I was wrong. It's like it doesn't even register to them that this is a big deal. Not all of us want to be famous. I don't need my ego fluffed, I just want a reciprocal friendship. I don't think that's a lot to ask. Especially since I coddle people's emotions all the time. Maybe I don't need to coddle them. Maybe if I stop they will see there are other people in the world with goals and feelings. Just because those things are different doesn't mean they are wrong, either.
I am really enjoying this new job, but it's like my house fell apart while I was there. No one did any dishes for a week. Not one. The dishwasher doesn't work if you don't turn it on. No one cleaned anything. I work 7 days a week now and I'm not going to have the time or energy to clean constantly like I did before. It might not have even looked like I was, but I was. It's part of growing up that you have to contribute to your little group. I don't understand why it's only me doing these things.
I feel like a burden when I have to get a ride to or from work, but I do some dropping off and picking up too. Then I come home and do a week's worth of dishes and laundry all the while fuming about the lack of recognition or interest.
I'm worth something. I contribute. I try so hard and I feel like no one gives a shit.
Instead of being proud of me for getting a job I worked hard to get, it's like everyone just sees it as a lower expense for them.
I'm worth something.
I'm worth something.
I'm worth something.
I am really enjoying this new job, but it's like my house fell apart while I was there. No one did any dishes for a week. Not one. The dishwasher doesn't work if you don't turn it on. No one cleaned anything. I work 7 days a week now and I'm not going to have the time or energy to clean constantly like I did before. It might not have even looked like I was, but I was. It's part of growing up that you have to contribute to your little group. I don't understand why it's only me doing these things.
I feel like a burden when I have to get a ride to or from work, but I do some dropping off and picking up too. Then I come home and do a week's worth of dishes and laundry all the while fuming about the lack of recognition or interest.
I'm worth something. I contribute. I try so hard and I feel like no one gives a shit.
Instead of being proud of me for getting a job I worked hard to get, it's like everyone just sees it as a lower expense for them.
I'm worth something.
I'm worth something.
I'm worth something.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Yo No Se
Ok, so I've been having a rough week. It's kind of been up and down, but things have leveled off. I've done a lot of cleaning, cooking and baking. A bit of meddling too, which I'm not proud of. When you see a bunch of people wandering aimlessly through traffic, you do what you can to help.
In the last few days I've made:
I owe approximately $2,650 to the hospital and doctors who performed my surgery. That's more than a third of what I make in a year right now. I should get used to cooking at home because I can't afford to get pre-made food or eat out. I put the first check in the mail today. I wish I had a way to supplement my income a little. I think I could probably sell jams pretty easily, but in Illinois they have to be sold at a farmer's market. That kind of narrows down my access to customers. People who shop at a farmer's market are easily capable of making their own jams. My house isn't nice enough to babysit in. I'm not that great at sewing clothing. I don't have my own car. I need to brainstorm...
In the last few days I've made:
- lasagna
- garlic bread
- oatmeal chocolate chip cookies
- red velvet cupcakes
- cream cheese frosting
- roasted red potatoes
- mashed potatoes
- burgers
- and tonight, a meatloaf
- also, salad
I owe approximately $2,650 to the hospital and doctors who performed my surgery. That's more than a third of what I make in a year right now. I should get used to cooking at home because I can't afford to get pre-made food or eat out. I put the first check in the mail today. I wish I had a way to supplement my income a little. I think I could probably sell jams pretty easily, but in Illinois they have to be sold at a farmer's market. That kind of narrows down my access to customers. People who shop at a farmer's market are easily capable of making their own jams. My house isn't nice enough to babysit in. I'm not that great at sewing clothing. I don't have my own car. I need to brainstorm...
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