I Built You a Home in My Heart

In my life, I've been forced to move around a lot. I haven't put down roots in a home for more than 2 years, ever. It's gotten to the point where I don't even see the point of unpacking my books or most of my clothes because I'll just have to pack them up again. Because of this nearly habitual moving, I rarely make plans or commitments.

Every time I move, the powers that be claim it will be the last time for a long time. This doesn't instill a lot of trust. All of these things, in combination with other experiences, have led me to be a distrusting flake. Not ideal if you want to have any kind of meaningful relationship.

However, I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We don't make plans, we decide what we are doing that day and the day goes. I trust him completely because he tells me the truth about everything. Sometimes even things I didn't want to know. We are open books and for that, I know we work.

He's the stability in my life. I can make commitments now. So even though I don't feel like my house is a home, I am at home with him.

Take Me With You

Oh hey, I didn't see you there.

Surprise! I have to be out of my house by TOMORROW. Not September. That's just awesome. I've spent the last two days speed packing and I still have no idea where we are going. Schweet. Well I'll tell you what. I don't give a shit where my mom thinks I'm going, I'm gonna live with my dad. I don't care if my stepmom thinks it's ok to be a bitch to my face. I can't handle the stress of never knowing how and when you are going to move.

The real bitch of it is that my parents didn't even fucking tell me. I just woke up yesterday and my stepdad is packing up the tv room. No notice, just "Surprise, you have to move in two days. Yeah, we don't respect you enough to let you know what your immediate future brings."

I have packing to do.

Bleeding Bells of Inner Guilt, Salvation Razor Thin

My mom is always on my case. She wants to know where I am, who I'm with, and what I'm doing all the time. Last night she called me at 1:30 in the morning while I was at a friends house because I wasn't home yet.

The thing is, I really don't care enough to call her to ease her worry. I'm just tired of putting up with her two-faced concern. If she is always taking my money but not paying my tuition then I don't feel obligated to ask her permission to live my life. I put gas in the car, I watch her kids, I sacrifice so she can do whatever shit she wants. Well I'm done. Forget going back to school for the spring semester, I'm getting the fuck out of there. I'm 19 and I can handle this. She can put on her fake sad face, I don't care.

She spends all her really affection on my siblings anyway. No matter what she says, I'll guarantee she still harbors feelings of blame for me. Whatever. I'm tired of being hurt.