Take Me With You

Oh hey, I didn't see you there.

Surprise! I have to be out of my house by TOMORROW. Not September. That's just awesome. I've spent the last two days speed packing and I still have no idea where we are going. Schweet. Well I'll tell you what. I don't give a shit where my mom thinks I'm going, I'm gonna live with my dad. I don't care if my stepmom thinks it's ok to be a bitch to my face. I can't handle the stress of never knowing how and when you are going to move.

The real bitch of it is that my parents didn't even fucking tell me. I just woke up yesterday and my stepdad is packing up the tv room. No notice, just "Surprise, you have to move in two days. Yeah, we don't respect you enough to let you know what your immediate future brings."

I have packing to do.

Fuck You Very Much

I wish people would just tell me what they fucking want from me. I am so tired of my "friends" and "family" acting like I'm one huge fucking let down when they are the assholes who screwed me over in the first place. I just want to slap the shit out of them. God Damn It.

So What, So I've Got a Smile On, But It's Hiding the Quiet Superstitions In My Head

I'm not going to school this semester and at first I was consumed with anger. I was angry with my mom for not being honest with me, I was angry with my dad for not keeping up with my life, and mostly I was angry with myself for not seeing this sooner. For not taking affirmative action. For not taking responsiblity.

Now, I am more at peace with it. I'm working more, I'm saving money. I found a car I might be able to buy. I've even started applying to universities again. I think that, although this situation is less than exemplary, there is a silver lining. I will go back in the summer to catch up.

That isn't to say I'm happy with it now. I'm most certainly not. However, this is something I can control, something I can fix.

Perfect Situation

I'm in a terrible mood. There is no other way around that. My mom is pissing me off, my sister doesn't care about anyone but herself, and there are a whole myriad of additional things that make me want to punch someone, anyone, solidly in the face and then go to bed. Perhaps for days.

I don't want to be touched.
I don't want to talk.
I don't want to go out.
I don't want to feel better.
I want to be angry for a while.

76 Trombones and a Crucifix

1400+ pairs of Birkenstocks shuffle into Churchnasium. All the sheep wearing their gleeming red, white, and blue polos. Perfectly pleated, ironed khakis and polyester skirts find their way to chairs and bleachers.

4 Blue Ribbon Awards.

That's right, our school is perfect. Groomed. Bred. Paid for. Pedigrees are practically screaming at you.

Our choir sings for the bureacrats. Jazz band does its best. I'm proud.

Look. Look how we smile. We can clap at all the right places. We love each other. We are a community. We watch out for each other. We have each other's backs.

And then, I remember. The man they proclaim as "the best principle in the country" kicked my sister to the curb. Oh my aunt & 2 uncles too. Raging hypocrite. I'd hate to see the other principles.

I'm done being angry now. 4 more months and I'm free.

We Lay, We Lay Together, Just Not Too Close, Too Close

Everyone always says you can't pick your family and then they laugh and you pretend you appreciate why your family is wierd or annoying. And then, my friends, you have days like I had on Sunday. You know, I really do try to find the silver lining and appreciate the irony of life, but even I can't fathom the motivation for what my relatives do.

Let us start from the beginning shall we? I get up sunday in a rather pleasant mood as my previous post would suggest. I get dressed, wake up my sister to minimal beating, so far it's a good start. I'm off to work where my favorite coworkers are there to laugh with. Still going strong with the good day. I make a killing during my shift AND I'm even. Can you hear the Hallelujah chorus? I try to get off early, but I dont. No biggie.

I get home, everyone is chill. Grab a bowl of soup, and wabam! I'm blindsided by some very aggravating and tragic news. My grandmother, well stepgrandmother, tried to commit suicide.
what the freaking fuck?

Obviously I havent reacted in the correct manner, but can you help how you feel? All I can think is how incredibly selfish it was. I dont want to get into the details, but seriously, its unfathomable to me.

Katie, not happy. right here. right now. anger, anger, anger, sadness. apathy. once again, I deal.