So What, So I've Got a Smile On, But It's Hiding the Quiet Superstitions In My Head

I'm not going to school this semester and at first I was consumed with anger. I was angry with my mom for not being honest with me, I was angry with my dad for not keeping up with my life, and mostly I was angry with myself for not seeing this sooner. For not taking affirmative action. For not taking responsiblity.

Now, I am more at peace with it. I'm working more, I'm saving money. I found a car I might be able to buy. I've even started applying to universities again. I think that, although this situation is less than exemplary, there is a silver lining. I will go back in the summer to catch up.

That isn't to say I'm happy with it now. I'm most certainly not. However, this is something I can control, something I can fix.

Bleeding Bells of Inner Guilt, Salvation Razor Thin

My mom is always on my case. She wants to know where I am, who I'm with, and what I'm doing all the time. Last night she called me at 1:30 in the morning while I was at a friends house because I wasn't home yet.

The thing is, I really don't care enough to call her to ease her worry. I'm just tired of putting up with her two-faced concern. If she is always taking my money but not paying my tuition then I don't feel obligated to ask her permission to live my life. I put gas in the car, I watch her kids, I sacrifice so she can do whatever shit she wants. Well I'm done. Forget going back to school for the spring semester, I'm getting the fuck out of there. I'm 19 and I can handle this. She can put on her fake sad face, I don't care.

She spends all her really affection on my siblings anyway. No matter what she says, I'll guarantee she still harbors feelings of blame for me. Whatever. I'm tired of being hurt.