I'm Not Together but I'm Getting There

Slowly, my emotions are inversing. The ratio of sadness/hurt to happiness is slipping towards the positive. I think I just need to let go. Let go. Let go. I can't make anyone see things my way. I guess it just depends on your frame of mind. It makes me sad that I'll probably lose an old friendship and a newer one too, but sometimes people walk away and you have to let them.

The world doesn't revolve around me, I know that. How could I expect other people to put my emotions before thier own? You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. You have to think of your own happiness before you can make someone else happy. I've said this before and I'll say it again, sometimes you have to be selfish.

However, sometimes being selfish comes with consequences. Those are the things you need to consider. Pros and cons. I understand it can be very tricky. Outside factors and all that.

People make decisions and that's that. You can't change the decisions you've made in the past, you can only affect the ones you are going to make. I choose the path of least resistance. I choose to step back and focus on the things in my life I can be a part of wholly. I will spend time on the things that make me happy. I do spend time on the things that make me happy.

I was the consequence, do not regret me. Do not try to undo what happened or pretend everything is ok. Everything is not ok. Best friends to aquaintances. It's happened before, it'll happen again. I want you to be happy, but I don't think that includes me.

I'm not completely back together, but I'm on my way.

So What, So I've Got a Smile On, But It's Hiding the Quiet Superstitions In My Head

I'm not going to school this semester and at first I was consumed with anger. I was angry with my mom for not being honest with me, I was angry with my dad for not keeping up with my life, and mostly I was angry with myself for not seeing this sooner. For not taking affirmative action. For not taking responsiblity.

Now, I am more at peace with it. I'm working more, I'm saving money. I found a car I might be able to buy. I've even started applying to universities again. I think that, although this situation is less than exemplary, there is a silver lining. I will go back in the summer to catch up.

That isn't to say I'm happy with it now. I'm most certainly not. However, this is something I can control, something I can fix.

There's Things You Need to Hear

I (am):

1. Female, I think this explains alot.
2. 5'8"
3. Brunette?
4. Blue-eyed
5. Emotional. Alot of the time. Do I hide it well?
6. Always thinking. Much more than I talk, so you can imagine how much that is.
7. Secretive.
8. Ambitious.
9. Lazy.
10. Conflicting.
11. Relational.
12. Sassssssssy.
13. Love everyone, way too much, even if they don't deserve it.
14. Judge people in my mind, but when others do it verbally, I defend the victim. I feel this justifies it sometimes.
15. All I want to do is be myself.
16. Want others to always be honest, even if it would hurt me. Because I have to know.
17. Like to know everything.
18. Obnoxious, endearing?
19. Care about you.
20. Want to break all the rules, but I never break one.
21. Don't watch TV anymore.
22. Work at a movie theatre. I hate it most of the time, but I can't leave my friends. I have no hope of being promoted.
23. Love kids.
24. Have a look in my eye.
25. Seem more clever than I am, or vastly less intelligent than I am. No one really comprehends my mental capacities.

If you think of any more things about me, comment them. I Love To Know. (#16)