Rest Will Find Us, We Belong Here

It's Friday afternoon, and today is looking mildly tolerable. I broke out a bottle of sparkling cider and split it with my seven year old brother. For a bit I was wallowing in self pity and angst on the whole college thing. I really want to get a yes, but I'm scared. Then I went out to check on my brother and....a tickle fight ensued. Yeah I'm a grown up. Wierd how playing with a little kid
can make all your worries go away. Or maybe it's just me. haha. I guess it just put alot of things in perspective.

"Children are life." - Denzel Washington

I think he was right. Is it going to end my life if I dont get into the school I want? no. Will I be sad? of course. I still have him, I still have my family and my mind and what else do I really need? It's just that time of year when everyone freaks about Christmas presents and New Year's kisses and that's all fun and good. I dont know, sure I posted about commercialism but I didnt forget about family and all the important stuff that is idealized by the holiday season.

Now that all the stress is over and I can have a relaxing last semester and really enjoy myself like I havent been able to for a long time. For the first time in a long time, I'm looking forward with actual stress-free happiness. I have my friends, my job, my life and I'm happy with it all.

Everytime this happens, it is subsequently followed by a period of extreme stress and anxiety like, for example, how you would feel moving away from your family to a huge school and knowing no one. However, I choose to ignore this inevitability and proceed blindly forth with a false sense of security for 7 more months of ignorant bliss. yay!

Hey Drummer Boy! I Need a Drumroll Please.

So here I am, it's December 23rd. Im not worried, Im not concerned. Im downright terrified of the next 2 days. I think I might be a Christmas failure. There are 9 people in my immediate family. Guess how many gifts I have for them. Oh that's right, none. Frickers! Usually I hate the last minute shoppers and now I join their ranks. Quite the demotion, let me assure you.

I might be able to get in on a few of my sister's gifts, but she is giving a ton of people crocs and I just can't be a part of that. Say I do get in on a few of hers, that still leaves all of my siblings and my dad. Why God, why?

Solutions! Tommorow's agenda is something I can work with. I have breakfast at my grandma's and then I can shop for a few hours. I'm magical with power shopping so I should be ok. Then if I hurry I can still make it to church, then off to work for about 2 hours, change and look awesome for the rest of Christmas Eve with the Irishmen. It's gonna be tricky, but honestly, I'm so much better under pressure. ( ahh Billy Joel how I love thee).

Let's talk about how it's going to work clotheswise. Now Im not like every other girl in the sense that I put on an outfit for the day and that's it. That is what I'm wearing. Tommorow is going to be a ton different. Hopefully I can pull off pjs to breakfast, then casual, then work, then dressy. *sigh* I dont wanna. Whatever.

Am I making any sense at all? I havent all day and I dont think Im any better. Maybe it was all the drugs for the sickness, maybe it is my natural oddities. Either way, I was probably unfit for work. Yeah, work was a bad choice. I get there at 9:20. So 20 minutes late, oops. The janitors got locked out so they are cleaning as Im opening. Well kinda. Opening was bad. Im horrible at it as it is, but today was a complete joke. I'm all messed up because I medicated myself numb, and the popper is broken and the manager I have at my disposal is mediocre at best. Thank God, there are more people coming in at 10. They get there and my manager assures me I'll get off early because I'm sick and we wont be busy. liar.

I spent 8 hours in that theatre half lucid and in charge. Finally some crew leaders get there to take over the delegation aspect and one is laughing at how I am making no sense and the other keeps telling me I look funny. Little do they know, I'm actually a ton better than I was yesterday. Just still sucky. haha.

I get through my shift and come home, all I ask is that my mom brings me a shirt for under my dress and she comes home with the last thing I want. Of course I was upset. I have had a really trying day and she comes home with this and it pushes me over. She thinks that it's only the shirt, but really its everything. Things I'll tell her, things I wont.

Right now, I am the epitome of emotionally drained and now I'm all emo. hurrah. I just want to feel better because for the next 2 weeks, I'll be going nonstop. Tommorow is Christmas Eve, the most intense family day for me of the year. Then its off to my dad's family after I do Christmas morning with my mom. Then I have work until close *dies* I get wednsday off, but really, I have to pack for Wisconsin. Then work, then well, Wisconsin. Before I know it, it's 2008. Another year, that many more things I have to do. I'll bet anything it's going to be one of the best years of my life though. Silver lining baby.

The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music

So today I am sick. Like I want to crawl into a hole and die sick. I woke up on the couch this morning because my dad and his wife like to put crap on my bed while I'm gone during the week. This time it was a packed Rubbermaid container and a huge TV. Suffice to say I wasnt going to move it and my dad was away. God forbid the little queenie in the house touch something that doesnt directly benefit her. So there I am on the 10 year old sectional with a blazing christmas tree glaring at me all night.

I wake up and my throat is a fiery inferno and my head is being vice gripped. My little brother decides to jump on me to wake me up, not that I mind, he is so cute. I get up and walk around, fold up my blankets and put them away. Say goodmorning to my brother before he leaves.

My sister is having this little crisis because I have to leave to go to a party and she wants to stay, sad for her I'm her ride. Oh joyous day. I call my dad and he agrees to take her home tommorow. I realize I'm way too sick to get my party on and call mi amiga to tell her the sad news.

Then I crawl into my couch to await my inevitable death, sweet relief. I call my mom and she is just thrilled I'm sick for christmas. yeah me too mom. I take some ibuprofen and tell her I'll be home when it kicks in. It does so just when this huge luminous fog rolls in, and madre doesnt want me to drive. terrific. So I sleep for a bit on the darn couch and await the departure of the fog so I can drive.

Finally it leaves and I'm out the door. Just as my brother comes home. I never get to see him anymore. darners. I drive home and the fog isn't really gone, it was just fooling me, but the eeriness of the drive was actually really cool. I get home, alone, no food. Why so blue panda bear? Did I seriously just quote a Milky Way commercial? wow. I'm awesome.

So what do I do? I go to bed. Then there is waking up about 3 hours later to the realization my pain killers wore off. huzzah. I get up and call my stepdad and ask him to bring me some food. Then back to bed, my mom wakes me up and asks if I want to go to a party with them. NO. So many awkward possibilities, so little time.

Unable to fall back asleep, I wander downstairs. They left the TV on. Mary Poppins! The day is looking up. So I watch it sporadically between random bursts of sleep. Then I start thinking about Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music. Then I'm humming "Favorite Things" and now I'm thinking about my favorite things because mittens certainly arent one of them.

My Favorite Things:

• puppies
• clean sheets
• snowflakes
• random texts
• music
• a good, long book
• hugs, even when they dont know im not happy
• that feeling when you realize something about someone that you though wasnt true, in a good way (?)
• essays (oh yeah)
• music
• little kids
• tights
• people who actually care about other people
• disney movies, preferably of the princess variety, although Bambi is awesome
• music
• concert going
• new book smell
• paychecks
• a clean room
• parakeets
• softlips chapstick
• music
• when people understand what I mean when there is no sense in my words
• music
• boys
• music
• music