A Little Bit of Sweetness

It's 2:15 AM. I am lying in my bed with only a sheet, no blankets. My window is open. I can hear a train horn in the distance. It's warm, but not hot. The wind is blowing in a soft breeze. Occasionally thunder bellows miles away. All those posts I've written about missing my childhood and feeling unsettled are about missing these moments. The way I feel right now is my happy place. My neighborhood. My wind. My trains.

Sometimes I feel like no one understands why I love this so much. To see the stars through my window and to feel the breeze on my skin. I feel like these nights are made just for me. It's like the world is saying, "It's all going to be ok, Katie. You will be alright. Promise."

Crest the Hill

Recently, I've started focusing on my weight and habits. I've been on a program for about 5 weeks and I've lost 7 lbs, 3 in from my waist, 2 in from my boobs (unfortunately) and 1 in from my hips. I feel like I'm in control, but not really missing anything. Most of this program is actually paying attention to what you are eating and getting off the couch every now and then. I try not to go out very often, but when I do I take a good hard look at the food. It's about more than just eating what sounds delicious. It's also about what is going to satisfy your body's needs.

Make Me Go All Out

My job search has not been fruitful. I feel like I'm qualified for most grunt work and even some slightly skilled work. I have applied for quite a few jobs, and no bites yet. I'm still optimistic.

I've applied for healthcare, retail and office jobs. I've had retail jobs, a healthcare job and I'm proficient in all Microsoft Office programs. Statistics these days are saying that there are new jobs everyday so I think eventually something will come up.

Here's to searching...

I'm Coming Home

I spent the early evening today cooking a real dinner for my family today. That doesn't happen often. It made me feel really good. Everyone really liked the dinner I made. I made penne pasta with chicken, mushrooms and tomatoes. For dessert I made apple crisp with vanilla ice cream. It wasn't anything crazy, but I think it made a difference. My parents had planned on ordering out, but I think real meals are important. I'm going to try to cook for real more often.

Back and Forth

Today I watched The Notebook. I used to think it was the paramount love story of my generation. I can see why the girls of my age love it. Ryan Gosling is super hot. They reconnect after nearly a decade apart, even though she is engaged to another man. It gives a girl hope that true love will win out, against all odds. If that's not love, what is?

I'll you what love is. Love is when the girl is a rancorous bitch. When she is upset with you, but refuses to tell you why. Instead of walking away in frustration or yelling or blaming her you take her in your arms and tell her you love her. You refuse to leave until you are sure that she is sure you love her.

That, my friends, is love. Happy Valentine's Day.

I Want Some More

Lately, I've become a very domestic person. I work a full time job, and I go to school full time. My boyfriend lives with my family. My free time is largely comprised of homework and Facebook games. AND Fashion Police. I have no idea why, but I am drawn to this half hour block of judgement. A panel of fashion forward individuals study the fashion habits of Hollywood's elites and decide if the celebrity's outfit is good or bad.

The judges are:

1. Joan Rivers - A woman who has made her living interviewing celebrities on red carpets and telling them what she thinks of their outfit (good or bad) to their face while they wear it. She heads Fashion Police and generally has the final say.
2. Giuliana Rancic - Co-host of E! News with Ryan Seacrest. Giuliana is generally quite level headed, but accepts no excuses. If the hair doesn't go with the ensemble, it fails in her eyes.
3. George Kotsiopoulos - The lone male of the group. He loves the extreme fashion forward. Julianne Moore must really appreciate him. He always makes this really apologetic face when he disagrees. Does he fear the women of the panel? We may never know.
4. Last but not least, Kelly Osbourne - Kelly often reminisces about the better style choices that celebrities on the worst dressed list made in the past in a "shame on you" voice. She does, however, defend the hot messes like Helena Bonham Carter. She's my favorite.

My greatest concern is for the secondary members of the Fashion Police. I'm fairly sure they signed a deal with the devil to be on that show. Do you see the fear in their eyes every time they laugh at one of Joan's horrible jokes? I do. If they don't laugh, they die. I'm sure of it.

I put E! on while I do my homework or surf the internet. I'm watching E! right now, as a matter of fact. I have no interest in fashion in general, but I am drawn to this show. I am interested in knowing what gowns a celebrity will wear next, but I have no idea why!

And I know you were wondering so I'll tell you. My best dressed choice for the Golden Globes was Olivia Wilde. Her dress and shoes were too gorgeous for words.

Wake the Sun

I did a search for schools I should transfer to recently. In these searches, they ask for everything from your GPA to the size of school you'd prefer to the religious affiliation you want the school to have. They also ask for preferred state or geographical region, which I left blank.

All of my top Best Fit schools were either in the south or southwest, and Hawaii. The schools really only had general warmth as common denominators. Basically, this life choice generator thinks I need some warmth in my life. I agree. I want to go somewhere warm.

That being said, anywhere warm that I choose will inevitably be far away from my home. Chicago is known for many things, but tropical heat is not one of them. All of this may be so poignant to me because it's absolutley frigid outside right now. Come summer, I'll probably think this is all a bunch of crap.

To Be Held in Shelter

I think I would get along with my family a lot better if we didn't actually live together. The only one I never fight with is my youngest sister. That's saying quite a bit since she's a thirteen year old. They are notoriously explosive. My mother complains that I seclude myself away in my room every night. "Why don't you come out here with us?" she asks. "Sometimes I just want to be alone," I reply. What I'm not telling her is that I honestly don't care to hear them editorialize Law & Order: SVU. I don't want to hear my stepdad make one jackass remark after another about anything anyone says, ever.

So I stay in my room.

Too Tired to Wink

These are all the books I read in 2010 in reverse order:

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Blood Rites by Jim Butcher
Death Masks by Jim Butcher
Summer Knight by Jim Butcher
Grave Peril by Jim Butcher
Fool Moon by Jim Butcher
Storm Front by Jim Butcher
Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
Lord Sunday by Garth Nix
Nightlight by The Harvard Lampoon
Overqualified by Joey Comeau
Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Bloodhound by Tamora Pierce
Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman
The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss
Blood Ninja by Nick Lake

Love Affair

I am definitley not where I thought I would be a year ago. It's list time. Things in my life I didn't think I'd have right now last year:

1. A full-time job
2. A live-in boyfriend
3. A smartphone
4. A macbook
5. Contentment
6. Organization
7. A feeling I should change my major
8. Objectivity

I Haven't Seen You at the Pool Since the Bbq, Not That I Was Checking...

After reviewing my stats tab and seeing why my blog gets so many hits, I think I'm going to change a few things. The people who view this page (mostly) view it because:

1. They searched for some dirty words (sex, and the like)
2. They searched for "cuffed me" or "frisk"

These usually bring them to the post I made called "Why Won't You Have Some Dirty Hot Sex With Me?" which I have since renamed to avoid this. Or, they are taken to my arrest post. I doubt this is what they were looking for. I expect my site hits to drop dramatically, but I'm cool with that.

I Built You a Home in My Heart

In my life, I've been forced to move around a lot. I haven't put down roots in a home for more than 2 years, ever. It's gotten to the point where I don't even see the point of unpacking my books or most of my clothes because I'll just have to pack them up again. Because of this nearly habitual moving, I rarely make plans or commitments.

Every time I move, the powers that be claim it will be the last time for a long time. This doesn't instill a lot of trust. All of these things, in combination with other experiences, have led me to be a distrusting flake. Not ideal if you want to have any kind of meaningful relationship.

However, I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We don't make plans, we decide what we are doing that day and the day goes. I trust him completely because he tells me the truth about everything. Sometimes even things I didn't want to know. We are open books and for that, I know we work.

He's the stability in my life. I can make commitments now. So even though I don't feel like my house is a home, I am at home with him.