I'm too much or not enough
maybe everyone else is messed up
well anyway I cant seem to stay
in just one state of mind
this ones done and I'm an asshole
she's in the midst of my whole hassle
cus I'm back and forth
I get bored when she's no perfect find
cus it's one thing or another
I don't even know why I bother
one thing just tears her down
cus its one thing or another
I don’t even know why I bother
one thing I just cant get around
consider the possibility that you've been had
but not by me
we're just kids don't worry about this
my course is run and I'm so tired
till the next one comes inspired
I feel bad and I should I made her sad
and I knew it would
cus its one thing or another
I don’t even know why I bother
one thing just tears her down
cus its one thing or another
I don’t even know why I bother
one thing I just cant get around
I need to learn to wait in turn
cus now I just step blindly
and I'm only happy when
I can close my eyes and I just dive in
and forget about acting kindly
cus it's one thing or another
(cus it's always one thing or another)
I don’t even know why I bother
one thing just tears her down (one thing always)
cus its one thing or another
I don’t even know why I bother
one thing I just cant get around
still I know you wont let me down
so my great-grandmother died yesterday, and I don't want to say I feel nothing, but it's true. I got my middle name from her, she made my grandpa who he is. The thing is, I never really knew her. She lived thousands of miles away. Should I still feel sad? Should I still feel remorseful that I never knew her?
This is the third time this has happened. I don't know what to do. My grandpa died when I was about 12, my grammy died a few weeks ago, and now my great-grandma. Once again, I feel nothing. The first 2 I knew, i bonded to but nothing. I am just waiting for all of the emotion to burst forth any second now, but I don't think it's going to happen.
This brings me to the thought that I am emotionally stunted. Aren't girls supposed to cry over everything? Feel more strongly? So now I am ever watchful for things that might set me off, might make me just hit the bottom. It's scary thinking that at any minute you could just plummet into sadness. Then again it's scary that I might never. That I can't. *sigh*
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