These Are Just the Rules and Regulations

I went to Pharmacological and Medical Terminology class today and realized just how unnaturally interested I am in all things medical. That's not to say I wasn't bored to death in class, I just liked the actually valid parts. I can't tell you just how fascinated I was when the diagram of a neuron popped up on the PowerPoint. I learned how antideppressants work and how dopamine works and how if you don't get enough dopamine you can get Parkinsonian symptoms.

I guess people have to go to class to learn in an organized way instead of learning on the job. School is a means to an end.

Some Strange Machines Repeating Beats and Thumping Bass

I think there is something magical about apple tank tops. I own two. Every time I where one, someone says something along the lines of, "I quite enjoy your apple tank top." Which also happens when I wear my strawberry tank. Perhaps fruits and berries have this odd effect on people. I like them.

And, I know this happens to everyone, with few rare exceptions, but my hair is getting so long. I haven't really cut it since April of 2007 when I cut a foot off. By April 2009, it'll be as long as it was when I cut it. Which brings me to the question of whether or not I should keep growing it out. By then it will be so long I won't be able to brush it from top to bottom in one stroke unless my head is upside down, which totally defeats the purpose of brushing.

I'm wearing sweatpants.

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Finally, to the point of my post. I have heard rumors of a magical combination of two of my favorite artists. Ben Folds and Regina Spektor. So basically...



+




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It's one odd love child, but I like it. Not the video, but the song.

And It Makes Me Smile...

Sometimes I feel bad that I don't blog more often. But no one really reads this. Plus, I have nothing to say today. Well not yet, it's only about 40 minutes into today.

I shouldn't really say that I have nothing to say. Clearly I've already said something. Everything else I could say isn't entirely exciting/upbeat so I'm choosing to leave it out in an attempt to make this a happier blog.

Also, I miss going to concerts. I'll have to do that soon.

I'm Really Lucky Underneath It All

Lately, I've been having alot of firsts:

1. The first time I didn't consult my dad about a decision.


2. The first time he's ever been mad at me.


3. My first college experiences.


4. The first time I've been palpable financial supporter of my family.


5. My first flight totally alone.


6. The first time my mom has ever trusted me to do something for myself.


7. The first time I walked down the street holding the hand of someone I care about and not worrying about the barrage of questions I'll inevitably get because, for once, I really don't care who sees.


8. The first time I slept in someone else's bed, with someone who isn't related or a girl. Take that dad.


9. First kiss.

Sometimes I wonder if I put too much or too little on this blog. There is a place in my mind where I catalogue all my blog ideas and very rarely do I post them. I love that there are people who read this, but at the same time I wish no one did or I wish everyone did. I want people to know what I think or what happens to me, but I also wish everything was a secret. I guess I just want people to be interested.

This is the Way That We Love

So here are some pictures. My mom and my grandmother were frustrated that I didn't take more people pictures. I'm just a landscape kind of girl I guess.

The traffic to O'Hare.

An Elk, there were a plethora.

A waterfall and the alluvial fan. James fell down it. :P

View out of the back of the van on our way to Long's Peak.

Some cool yellow trees.

Just a shot I liked.

Some echinacea. I think that's how it's spelled.

Rocky Mountain High

So I just got back from this awesome vacation. All family drama aside, I had a great time and I think (other than the obvious) it was because it was 100% stress free. Of course, I loved who I was with and the mountains were gorgeous. I don't know, I think this was exactly what I needed.

However, I'm really tired. I'm going to bed. More on this later?

But I'll Grind Against Your Bones...

Well that was depressing. I guess I'm just doing what every other transitioning kid is right now -- complaining. Haha. I guess I'm just not happy with what I have. Sounds pretty ungrateful, right? I know, I can't help it. I just try to make everyone happy, and that's not the right thing I guess. I shouldn't worry what they think. Yeah I'm going to stop worrying.

I guess this spawned that last revelation.

It says (in case you can't read it):

1. Border guards are paid to be assholes. Just stay calm

2. Drug dogs aren't trained to detect

3. Boxes of shins.

Also:

I find this song creepily, disgustingly perfect. Thoughts?

I'm a killer

Cold and wrathful

Silent sleeper

I've been inside your bedroom

I've murdered half the town

Left you love notes on their headstones

I'll fill the graveyards

Until I have you

Moonlight walking

I smell your softness

Carnivorous and lusting

To track you down among the pines

I want you stuffed into my mouth

Hold you down and tear you open

Live inside you

Oh, love I'd never hurt you

But I'll grind against your bones

Until our marrows mix

I will eat you slowly

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood pulled through my veins

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood

I wake in terror

Blackbirds screaming

Dark cathedrals spilling

Midnight on their alters

I'm your servant

My immortal

Pale and perfect

Such unholy heaving

The statues close their eyes

The room is changing

Break my skin

And drain me

Ancient language

Speak through fingers

The awful edges

Where you end and I begin

Inside your mouth

I cannot see

There's catastrophe

In everything I'm touching

As I sweat and crush you

And I hold your beating chambers

Until they beat no more

You die like angels sing

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood pulled through my veins

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood

You're a ghost, love

Nightgown flowing

Your body blue and walking

Along the continental shelf

You are a dream among the sharks

Beautiful and terrifying

Living restless

We dance in dark suspension

And you bury me

In the ocean floor beneath you

Where they'll never hear us scream

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood pulled through my veins

Ohhhhh

The horror of our love

Never so much blood

It's actually very funny to hear. I know it seems frighteningly macabre here, but it's desperate and funny. In my opinion.

Shake It Off

Lately, I have felt kind of lost. or stuck. Like I've spent my whole life as this awkward, chubby, green little caterpillar and I made my chrysalis after all this bullshit and then it's finally time for me to crack it open and get the hell out and I made it too strong and now I'm stuck. I can see the freedom, I can taste the freedom, but fuck-my-life I can't get to it.

I did all the things a high schooler should do. I did the homework (mostly), I paid attention (mostly), I got a job, I did the extracurriculars, I applied to the schools. Honestly, none of it ever felt right, but I still did it. It was the right thing to do. But here I am, at home, not away like I need to be.

But on the bright side, I am in school full time and working alot. I guess by staying, I'm saving money, which is definitly necesary. I guess the whole point of this blog entry is that I'm tired of being Mom #2 and cheuffer and bread winner when that doesn't fit my station in life.

Take A Bow

I need a new job! A real job! I'm sick of minimum wage and crappy work environments!

Silly Me for Thinking Honesty is Something Given Free

I find myself less and less able to lie when I want/have to. I've always been able to lie, totally believable every time. I suppose I should mention I hate lying, but am able to do it when the need arises. Maybe I'm tired of it. Lies take a wierd toll on my emotional balance.

It seems that lies and emotions are very closely tied, for me anyways. There is that little thrill when someone believes your lie or the dread that someone will find out you lied. Maybe I'm not cut out to deal with that. I like the care-free feeling of absolute honesty. I like telling my mom I need some "Katie time" or that "No, Becca, I don't want to shadow you while you shop so that you don't feel alone in a packed store. I don't have money or time to waste here." I think people think I get mean or catty, but that's not it at all. I want to be truthful. I want an honest life. I'm honest with everyone and I expect it back.

Are those expectations too high?

I have this list in my mind of all the pressing things I need to get done. I check them off as they are finished and it feels great. I finally got that list done when I realized that there are still things I need to do. I need to end all my lies. It kills me to lie anymore. I don't want to keep them up anymore. Maybe I'm being selfish, changing situations on people who think they have it all figured out. Sometimes, however, you have to take care of yourself first.

I Will Remember You

Hello my loves, I've just gotten back from a very long day that followed a very long trip. Try to keep up.

I left on June 27th for the U.P. of Michigan. I drove all the way up through Wisconsin with my brother, sister and neighbor in 7ish hours. That, my friends, is amazing timing. Of course, my brother refused to (but finally did) stop for our 3 ready-to-burst bladders, but I think that was just for the sake of amusement. And he was running out of gas. We spent a good hour driving up and down county (I'm not sure which) 480 looking for the cabin our family rented because my stepmom in the other car was about 3 hours behind us. I finally had to find out from a cute old couple that was walking thier miniscule dog. It was right in front of us. Poop.

We look around for a hide-a-key and then the old guy goes, "Is it open?" All I'm thinking is, "Who leaves an empty house unlocked for long periods of time?" Apparently the guy we rented it from does. It is the U.P. after all. So we break in and dibs our rooms and settle in for a few hours of teenage chillaxing before the brigade shows up. A few hours later my stepmom, little brother, aunt, uncle and cousin show up to make a total of 9 people in an 8 person cabin. Not too bad right? It'll get better later, trust me.

The next day everyone gets up at the crack of dawn for breakfast. I'm not quite sure why because it's vacation and I just assumed sleeping in was a prerequisite of not being at home. It's all for the best because our cabin was equidistant from all the stuff we wanted to do, the only wrench in the engine of that plan is that everything we wanted to do was at least an hour in any given direction. But I digress... We all pack up and pile into my aunt's Excursion to go to (it's a mouthful) Kitchitikipi. It's a spring that has some kind of acid in it that prevents alot of growth so you can see straight to the bottom. There is a raft with the middle cut out of it that travels along a rope across the lake. Here, take a look.

I took a video of it, but I have to wait for my stepmom to email it to me, I'll be sure to post it because I thought it was beautiful, maybe you will too.

Throughout the trip we visited a few waterfalls, but by far my favorite was (another mouthful) Tahquamenon Falls, particularly the lower falls. Although the upper falls are beautiful, the lower falls are more entertaining because we swim in them. You go down to the concessions and rent a row boat to take out to die island and from there we walk to where we get in. It's so much fun to walk out to the falls and climb through into this little, natural, wet shelf behind the water and be invisible to everything outside. We just crawl down to the bigger fall and jump out and slide down the river a bit. (I did convince everyone with me that I lost my bottoms when I jumped out). Brilliant. It's nature's little waterpark.

We go into the falls on the right where they aren't so huge. If you were to walk around the island there are another set of falls that you can climb up, then on the left are the bigger ones that I did climb down a few years ago, but not this trip.

My brother was driving us (Me, Becca, my neighbor) to get the fireworks on our way to see Hancock and nearly rolled Trailblazer with all of us in it. Miraculously, a nice Yooper with an F-250 pulled us out and then refused the money we offered him. We subsequentally picked up $500 worth of fireworks and saw our movie.

I did some shopping while I was up there and I purchased some, let's say, interesting items:

• One 118 year old Swedish bible. It has a picture of Martin Luther in the front so I'm assuming it's not the Catholic bible.
• A ceramic, although I originally thought it was wood, squirrel who I name Mr. Nuttington and was subsequently renamed Professor Nuttington. He had a Wii accident and had to be glued. Darn Uncle Larry.
• A Claddagh ring that I, as an Irish woman, was in desperate need of. It's on my right hand facing out, just in case you were wondering boys. wink wink.
• These awesome old sewing patterns that I found at an antique store (pretty much a barn full of old stuff).

Today, I did something somewhat stupid. I might have created a small fire. Maybe. I was preheating the oven for my cousins I watch and I didn't realize that my uncle stores stuff in his oven. Mostly cookie sheets and glass cookware, but the killer was a plastic platter. It caught fire while I was in the bathroom and when I got out the oven was spewing smoke. I got the kids and the dogs out of the house and called 911 and my uncle (who didn't answer) and waited.

The kids were so excited, they waved the firemen over and weren't scared at all. The firemen were really friendly too - petting the dogs, giving the kids stickers- I was impressed. All the neighbors came over to check on us, or find out what happened more likely. I sent the kids over to my house with my sister while I cleaned up a bit. The firemen tracked soot everywhere. The only damage was to the oven itself so that was good.

All in all, the last week and a half has been long and dramatic and I'm happy to be home.

Checkmarks

I'm such an idiot.