I'm Coming Home

I spent the early evening today cooking a real dinner for my family today. That doesn't happen often. It made me feel really good. Everyone really liked the dinner I made. I made penne pasta with chicken, mushrooms and tomatoes. For dessert I made apple crisp with vanilla ice cream. It wasn't anything crazy, but I think it made a difference. My parents had planned on ordering out, but I think real meals are important. I'm going to try to cook for real more often.

Back and Forth

Today I watched The Notebook. I used to think it was the paramount love story of my generation. I can see why the girls of my age love it. Ryan Gosling is super hot. They reconnect after nearly a decade apart, even though she is engaged to another man. It gives a girl hope that true love will win out, against all odds. If that's not love, what is?

I'll you what love is. Love is when the girl is a rancorous bitch. When she is upset with you, but refuses to tell you why. Instead of walking away in frustration or yelling or blaming her you take her in your arms and tell her you love her. You refuse to leave until you are sure that she is sure you love her.

That, my friends, is love. Happy Valentine's Day.

I Want Some More

Lately, I've become a very domestic person. I work a full time job, and I go to school full time. My boyfriend lives with my family. My free time is largely comprised of homework and Facebook games. AND Fashion Police. I have no idea why, but I am drawn to this half hour block of judgement. A panel of fashion forward individuals study the fashion habits of Hollywood's elites and decide if the celebrity's outfit is good or bad.

The judges are:

1. Joan Rivers - A woman who has made her living interviewing celebrities on red carpets and telling them what she thinks of their outfit (good or bad) to their face while they wear it. She heads Fashion Police and generally has the final say.
2. Giuliana Rancic - Co-host of E! News with Ryan Seacrest. Giuliana is generally quite level headed, but accepts no excuses. If the hair doesn't go with the ensemble, it fails in her eyes.
3. George Kotsiopoulos - The lone male of the group. He loves the extreme fashion forward. Julianne Moore must really appreciate him. He always makes this really apologetic face when he disagrees. Does he fear the women of the panel? We may never know.
4. Last but not least, Kelly Osbourne - Kelly often reminisces about the better style choices that celebrities on the worst dressed list made in the past in a "shame on you" voice. She does, however, defend the hot messes like Helena Bonham Carter. She's my favorite.

My greatest concern is for the secondary members of the Fashion Police. I'm fairly sure they signed a deal with the devil to be on that show. Do you see the fear in their eyes every time they laugh at one of Joan's horrible jokes? I do. If they don't laugh, they die. I'm sure of it.

I put E! on while I do my homework or surf the internet. I'm watching E! right now, as a matter of fact. I have no interest in fashion in general, but I am drawn to this show. I am interested in knowing what gowns a celebrity will wear next, but I have no idea why!

And I know you were wondering so I'll tell you. My best dressed choice for the Golden Globes was Olivia Wilde. Her dress and shoes were too gorgeous for words.

Wake the Sun

I did a search for schools I should transfer to recently. In these searches, they ask for everything from your GPA to the size of school you'd prefer to the religious affiliation you want the school to have. They also ask for preferred state or geographical region, which I left blank.

All of my top Best Fit schools were either in the south or southwest, and Hawaii. The schools really only had general warmth as common denominators. Basically, this life choice generator thinks I need some warmth in my life. I agree. I want to go somewhere warm.

That being said, anywhere warm that I choose will inevitably be far away from my home. Chicago is known for many things, but tropical heat is not one of them. All of this may be so poignant to me because it's absolutley frigid outside right now. Come summer, I'll probably think this is all a bunch of crap.

To Be Held in Shelter

I think I would get along with my family a lot better if we didn't actually live together. The only one I never fight with is my youngest sister. That's saying quite a bit since she's a thirteen year old. They are notoriously explosive. My mother complains that I seclude myself away in my room every night. "Why don't you come out here with us?" she asks. "Sometimes I just want to be alone," I reply. What I'm not telling her is that I honestly don't care to hear them editorialize Law & Order: SVU. I don't want to hear my stepdad make one jackass remark after another about anything anyone says, ever.

So I stay in my room.

Too Tired to Wink

These are all the books I read in 2010 in reverse order:

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Blood Rites by Jim Butcher
Death Masks by Jim Butcher
Summer Knight by Jim Butcher
Grave Peril by Jim Butcher
Fool Moon by Jim Butcher
Storm Front by Jim Butcher
Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
Lord Sunday by Garth Nix
Nightlight by The Harvard Lampoon
Overqualified by Joey Comeau
Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Bloodhound by Tamora Pierce
Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman
The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss
Blood Ninja by Nick Lake

Love Affair

I am definitley not where I thought I would be a year ago. It's list time. Things in my life I didn't think I'd have right now last year:

1. A full-time job
2. A live-in boyfriend
3. A smartphone
4. A macbook
5. Contentment
6. Organization
7. A feeling I should change my major
8. Objectivity

I Haven't Seen You at the Pool Since the Bbq, Not That I Was Checking...

After reviewing my stats tab and seeing why my blog gets so many hits, I think I'm going to change a few things. The people who view this page (mostly) view it because:

1. They searched for some dirty words (sex, and the like)
2. They searched for "cuffed me" or "frisk"

These usually bring them to the post I made called "Why Won't You Have Some Dirty Hot Sex With Me?" which I have since renamed to avoid this. Or, they are taken to my arrest post. I doubt this is what they were looking for. I expect my site hits to drop dramatically, but I'm cool with that.

I Built You a Home in My Heart

In my life, I've been forced to move around a lot. I haven't put down roots in a home for more than 2 years, ever. It's gotten to the point where I don't even see the point of unpacking my books or most of my clothes because I'll just have to pack them up again. Because of this nearly habitual moving, I rarely make plans or commitments.

Every time I move, the powers that be claim it will be the last time for a long time. This doesn't instill a lot of trust. All of these things, in combination with other experiences, have led me to be a distrusting flake. Not ideal if you want to have any kind of meaningful relationship.

However, I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We don't make plans, we decide what we are doing that day and the day goes. I trust him completely because he tells me the truth about everything. Sometimes even things I didn't want to know. We are open books and for that, I know we work.

He's the stability in my life. I can make commitments now. So even though I don't feel like my house is a home, I am at home with him.

She's Different When it's Just Me and Her

My sister has been working at the movie theater that my boyfried works at. He is her supervisor which is a little funny seeing as she is the boss at home. I'm not sure what hours he gives her there, but I know she does get regular shifts. She often requests days off via text message instead of going through the proper channels and somehow she thinks she can just pick and choose her holiday hours.

All this being said, I am still very proud of her. I'm glad she has a job and that she's made friends there. She hasn't really figured out how to make her paychecks stretch, but I think that just takes time. All in all, I'm glad she has a job.

I am not, however, glad she found her second job. Don't get me wrong, I am impressed that she is taking that kind of initiative, but her schedule is kind of screwing us all over. If I had my own car, I think everything would work out. I don't have my own car so we have to share one. The problem is that the kids need to be to school at 8, I need to be at school or work (depending on the day) at 9, and she needs to be to my uncle for her second job at 9:15. All of us need to be in different corners of the county.

After my sister finishes that job, she sometimes needs to go to her first job, if I have school then I need to be to work while she is far away working, and the kids need to get picked up from school. Usually she was the driver/child picker-upper.

To make this schedule change work, two things would need to happen:

1. I would need my own car so she could take the one we share to her various jobs and school.
2. Someone would need to pick up my little brother from school or he would have to go to after school care. My little sister can take the bus home and she can watch herself.

I have started saving up for a car, but there is only so much I can save. Getting a loan is impossible. It's going to take some time. Until then, I have no idea what we are going to do. But I can't wait for my new car!

You are Ivory and Wire and Pearls

I went to the orthodontist, and it's been officially decided I'm getting braces. Yeah, I'll be the coolest 21 year old with braces that you know! My ortho said I could either go with traditional braces or I could go with invisalign.

I am a little torn between them for a few simple reasons. Traditional braces is faster and more accurate, but invisalign is as close to invisible that I'll be able to get. I think I'm siding with traditional just for the practicality of them. I won't be able to take them off like I would invisalign. I am the kind of person who would take them off and leave them off or forget.

I'm a little concerned about paying for them. There are a few options, but I don't foresee any of them working out well with my parents lack of ability at budgeting. I hope I'm wrong because I am really sick of these damn spaced out teeth.

When Will it Stop?

Ok, so I have this problem with saying no. I don't like to let people down so I tend to pile a lot on my plate without thinking. Like I posted before, I got a full time job. I also took on a side job at a podiatrist office on my days off so I could get some experience in the field.

It turns out this podiatrist needs some new forms and documents made up because hers are out of date. I volunteered my layout skills and my new software for the job.

Later, my boyfriend's mom got to talking with me (for the first real time) about how her friends are doing an opera and how she's doing the costumes and can I sew? So like an idiot (or a girl looking for her boyfriend's mother's approval) I told her about my costume experience and how I have my own machine. So she delegates a few costumes to me.

Don't forget, I am still in school. None of this would be a problem if I didn't have to worry about my family. We just had a death in the family and I want to be with them to make sure they are ok. Also, I just learned that one of my high school classmates died tragically.

Both of these deaths have had different effects on me. My step-grandma's death was bittersweet. She suffered for so long, both physically and emotionally. I know she was never the same after her husband died and then her long battles with mental illness and physical illness took their toll. Now she is back with her husband and out of pain. What really pains me about all of this is how her children and immediate family are acting.

You would think that they are looking to blame her death on each other when it was really just her time. They all want control over the little things instead of comforting each other in this time.

Then there is my high school classmate. He was such a sweet, personable guy. His death could have been 100% prevented. It just goes to show how fragile our lives really are. He was so young, and I am completely shocked.

As if that wasn't enough, but my boyfriend was attacked by his brother for no reason. I think his brother is a little paranoid. I keep making him come over because I don't want him around his brother. He has enough on his plate with a medical mystery, he doesn't need a psycho beating on him every other day.

I'm a touch overwhelmed.