I Haven't Seen You at the Pool Since the Bbq, Not That I Was Checking...

After reviewing my stats tab and seeing why my blog gets so many hits, I think I'm going to change a few things. The people who view this page (mostly) view it because:

1. They searched for some dirty words (sex, and the like)
2. They searched for "cuffed me" or "frisk"

These usually bring them to the post I made called "Why Won't You Have Some Dirty Hot Sex With Me?" which I have since renamed to avoid this. Or, they are taken to my arrest post. I doubt this is what they were looking for. I expect my site hits to drop dramatically, but I'm cool with that.

I Built You a Home in My Heart

In my life, I've been forced to move around a lot. I haven't put down roots in a home for more than 2 years, ever. It's gotten to the point where I don't even see the point of unpacking my books or most of my clothes because I'll just have to pack them up again. Because of this nearly habitual moving, I rarely make plans or commitments.

Every time I move, the powers that be claim it will be the last time for a long time. This doesn't instill a lot of trust. All of these things, in combination with other experiences, have led me to be a distrusting flake. Not ideal if you want to have any kind of meaningful relationship.

However, I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We don't make plans, we decide what we are doing that day and the day goes. I trust him completely because he tells me the truth about everything. Sometimes even things I didn't want to know. We are open books and for that, I know we work.

He's the stability in my life. I can make commitments now. So even though I don't feel like my house is a home, I am at home with him.

She's Different When it's Just Me and Her

My sister has been working at the movie theater that my boyfried works at. He is her supervisor which is a little funny seeing as she is the boss at home. I'm not sure what hours he gives her there, but I know she does get regular shifts. She often requests days off via text message instead of going through the proper channels and somehow she thinks she can just pick and choose her holiday hours.

All this being said, I am still very proud of her. I'm glad she has a job and that she's made friends there. She hasn't really figured out how to make her paychecks stretch, but I think that just takes time. All in all, I'm glad she has a job.

I am not, however, glad she found her second job. Don't get me wrong, I am impressed that she is taking that kind of initiative, but her schedule is kind of screwing us all over. If I had my own car, I think everything would work out. I don't have my own car so we have to share one. The problem is that the kids need to be to school at 8, I need to be at school or work (depending on the day) at 9, and she needs to be to my uncle for her second job at 9:15. All of us need to be in different corners of the county.

After my sister finishes that job, she sometimes needs to go to her first job, if I have school then I need to be to work while she is far away working, and the kids need to get picked up from school. Usually she was the driver/child picker-upper.

To make this schedule change work, two things would need to happen:

1. I would need my own car so she could take the one we share to her various jobs and school.
2. Someone would need to pick up my little brother from school or he would have to go to after school care. My little sister can take the bus home and she can watch herself.

I have started saving up for a car, but there is only so much I can save. Getting a loan is impossible. It's going to take some time. Until then, I have no idea what we are going to do. But I can't wait for my new car!

You are Ivory and Wire and Pearls

I went to the orthodontist, and it's been officially decided I'm getting braces. Yeah, I'll be the coolest 21 year old with braces that you know! My ortho said I could either go with traditional braces or I could go with invisalign.

I am a little torn between them for a few simple reasons. Traditional braces is faster and more accurate, but invisalign is as close to invisible that I'll be able to get. I think I'm siding with traditional just for the practicality of them. I won't be able to take them off like I would invisalign. I am the kind of person who would take them off and leave them off or forget.

I'm a little concerned about paying for them. There are a few options, but I don't foresee any of them working out well with my parents lack of ability at budgeting. I hope I'm wrong because I am really sick of these damn spaced out teeth.

When Will it Stop?

Ok, so I have this problem with saying no. I don't like to let people down so I tend to pile a lot on my plate without thinking. Like I posted before, I got a full time job. I also took on a side job at a podiatrist office on my days off so I could get some experience in the field.

It turns out this podiatrist needs some new forms and documents made up because hers are out of date. I volunteered my layout skills and my new software for the job.

Later, my boyfriend's mom got to talking with me (for the first real time) about how her friends are doing an opera and how she's doing the costumes and can I sew? So like an idiot (or a girl looking for her boyfriend's mother's approval) I told her about my costume experience and how I have my own machine. So she delegates a few costumes to me.

Don't forget, I am still in school. None of this would be a problem if I didn't have to worry about my family. We just had a death in the family and I want to be with them to make sure they are ok. Also, I just learned that one of my high school classmates died tragically.

Both of these deaths have had different effects on me. My step-grandma's death was bittersweet. She suffered for so long, both physically and emotionally. I know she was never the same after her husband died and then her long battles with mental illness and physical illness took their toll. Now she is back with her husband and out of pain. What really pains me about all of this is how her children and immediate family are acting.

You would think that they are looking to blame her death on each other when it was really just her time. They all want control over the little things instead of comforting each other in this time.

Then there is my high school classmate. He was such a sweet, personable guy. His death could have been 100% prevented. It just goes to show how fragile our lives really are. He was so young, and I am completely shocked.

As if that wasn't enough, but my boyfriend was attacked by his brother for no reason. I think his brother is a little paranoid. I keep making him come over because I don't want him around his brother. He has enough on his plate with a medical mystery, he doesn't need a psycho beating on him every other day.

I'm a touch overwhelmed.

If It's Not Rough, It Isn't Fun

I have a pretty slow job so I spend a lot of time distracting myself. Today I read 256 pages of Textsfromlastnight.com. I read an entire book yesterday and I wasn't prepared with another. No time for a book run.

Did you know that there are ipod vibrators? I thought TFLN just ran run-of-the-mill American Apparel ads. It's not that my world was rocked, but my mind was blown. I didn't know we were living in this world.

I have an 11 hour shift today. There is only so much cleaning I can do to distract myself. I've had 3 customers today.

I'm losing it. Fast.

Send good books.

Help.

One and One Makes Two, Two and One Make Three

Last night, I had not one, but two near accidents. The first happened while I was on my way to meet my boyfriend for dinner on his break. It was pouring buckets of rain. I came up to a red light near his work and a bolt of lightening shot down and struck the light pole right next to me. It startled me so much I was shaking all the way to pick him up.

After dinner I had relaxed and put the lightning behind me. As I was leaving the parking lot, a small bus hauled ass around the corner of the building and I had to slam on the brakes to avoid a head on collision.

During my brief but nervous ride home, I kept wondering what else was going to go wrong tonight. These things come in threes, as they say. I did make it home without any more incident. I was glad to be home, in my bed.

I'll Show You What This Girl Can Do

I just started this job. It's a little different than the jobs I've had before. I don't like starting new jobs because I don't like the feeling of not knowing everything. I want to help everyone that comes in with their problem, but I can't because I'm so fresh. It's not like my old job. If I messed up there I could just give them a credit or a free rental. Here, one mistake could end up costing someone a lot of money.

I can use a cell phone. I know how to change things and some basic troubleshooting, but sometimes I am completely lost and even searching through the phone doesn't work. Then I look stupid.

Despite my apprehensions, I intend to give this job 100%. I want to succeed. I am scared a little, but I've always felt this way before and I always became very successful. I just need to keep reminding myself to relax. I can do this.

Do You Remember the Nights We'd Stay Up Just Laughing?

Do you remember the nights when your biggest concern was how many constellations you could name? Those nights that you never got tired? You talked for hours with your best friend or lover or family member. You made deep connections and slept soundly. Your schedule was nonexistent. You could lay in the grass under a shady tree and think about what things meant.

I remember those days before paychecks and bills. It wasn't so long ago. I spend time trying to regain my carefree youth. You know what is beautiful? A breeze. Sun filtering through leaves. Soft blades of grass against your skin.

I miss the days of Vans sneakers and IBC root beer.

Brighter Than Sunshine

Yeah, I read 2 books in 2 days. What of it?

So Baby, Make a Move

So I've been working at my new full-time job at a major wireless carrier as a sales rep for 2 weeks now. Today is going to be the first day that I'll be alone there. I'm not nervous at all. Most of the people that come in are really nice and they know a lot about us already. (Aside from this one super racist cab driver that came in)

As much as I enjoy the job, it's not really in my field. I have another friend whose aunt is a doctor and she needs some help 1 or 2 days a week with paperwork. I've agreed to help out on my days off so that I can get a little tiny bit of experience in the healthcare field.

I feel like I'm checking a lot off my life to-do list. I got a MacBook for my birthday, I got a full-time job, I have active plans to move out, I got a sweet new Droid phone, I'm going to school, and I'm saving to buy a car. My sister actually yelled at me and told my I was being ridiculous for "fixing my life so fast." She was actually mad at me for taking control of my life.

My mom gets mad at me, too, for watching my own back. She thinks that I don't care about anyone else in my house. I told her that I do, but if I don't make sure I get what I need (i.e. a ride to work/school) then no one else will. She doesn't like that at all.

I am feeling good right now. Maybe I'm moving forward.

Don't Be Surprised

So I was checking out my stats tab today and guess what I saw?

SOMEONE FROM AFGHANISTAN READ MY BLOG (OR AT LEAST CAME ACROSS MY PAGE)

HI! This is so exciting. I didn't think anyone read this, let alone someone from so far away.

So I'm done nerding out. Haha.

**EDIT**

Ok, so maybe this stats tab viewing has been way overdue. It looks like outside the US and Afghanistan, there have also been viewers from the UK and South Korea! I'm very surprised and excited. :)

I Had it All but Not What I Wanted

Have you ever heard that it take half the length of a relationship up to get over the break up? I have heard that so many times, and I know people who can say that it took them half the time or less to get over their ex and the break up. I don't know if I'm just detached, but I can honestly say I'm completely over it.

I had actually thought about this before and I wondered which break up would be the one that set the rule - the romantic or the friendship. Would it take me 15 months or 3 and half years? I guess it was 15 months.

I've at least come to peace about everything, that's not to say that I'm going to call anyone up for a blissful reunion or anything. I remember the days I would cry when I came across something that reminded me of either of them. I didn't go out to my fire pit and burn all the reminders or anything, but I've moved forward.

It kind of surprises me that some random old wives tale is true, but I'm not going to knock it.

Do Work, Son

I want to share a very monumental moment in my life. I got my first, for real, full-time job. 40 hours a week, every week for the forseeable future. I'm thrilled. My paychecks are going to be the same every week. I can budget and save for the future.

I can also still go to school. I am so happy. I wasn't really looking for something new, but my old job was giving me very inconsistant hours despite my very consistant work. My friend told me that his brother was hiring for a full-time position and he told me to e-mail my resume so I did. I got the call for an interview. Honestly, I didn't think it went that great. It was the first interview I've had that they didn't offer me the job at the end.

I patiently waited and about a week later I got the call that I'd been hired. I was trembling I was so nervous to put my 2 weeks in. I felt bad because most of the staff at my old job was still new. I didn't want to leave them scrambling for shift leaders. My manager understood that this was the move I needed to make at this point in my life.

So far, I've had one hour of training, but I can't wait to really get started. I finally feel like I'm moving forward.

A Different City Every Night

Last weekend I had an amazing vacation with my boyfriend. We traveled up north to the U.P. and just did our own thing. We both suffer from families who itinerize and I think that this was practically vacation therapy for the both of us.



Friday we spent driving. It took us about 8 hours to get from my house to the hotel. For a second we thought we forgot which hotel we were staying at. No worries, we made it to the right one. The drive is such a beautiful part of the trip. The further north you get, the better. At one point I was driving down a stretch of road that looked like it never ended with walls of enormous trees along the road. It was the most beautiful day I had seen in a long time.



Saturday I took him to Tahquamenon Falls (mentioned in this earlier post). I think he was a little surprised that we were going to go into the falls themselves. We started at the little falls that most people stop and swim in and play in. I got him to go behind the waterfall, but he said the current was too strong to go along it and jump out. We decided to go up the river a little to some very tiny falls. Walking up the river was a little treacherous, but we made it. From the falls upriver, you can see down the other falls and to the lake. It such a gorgeous vantage point.



On the way back down, I fell a few times. I'm probably the most clumsy girl you'll ever meet, and slippery river rocks don't help. He seemed more distressed about it than I was. I tried again to convince him to go behind the falls and jump out, but he wasn't down for it. Instead, he recorded me doing it. Let me tell you, it was exhilarating. Adrenaline. Later that night I taught Alex to play cribbage. He skunked me on his fourth game! I was filled with shame.

Sunday, we went into Sault Ste. Marie and were touristy. We went to the locks that link Lake Huron and Lake Superior and saw two huge ships go through. Plus a cute little baby waved at us. We did a little shopping and picked up the fudge my mom wanted.

Monday we drove home. It felt like it went by a lot faster than Friday's drive. I DJed basically the whole drive, much to Alex's distaste. Haha. I tried to mix it up for him though. It's not my fault he lacks my awesome taste in music.

All in all it was an amazing trip. Very relaxing and it made me feel like an adult. It was my first out of town trip that I planned on my own.

This Feeling Never Leaves Me Alone

I come with good news, a rare but much appreciated occurence in the PPBG world. My mother and my stepdad have both gotten legitimate salaried jobs. My mom is now the Director of Audio Visual at a large ski resort and my stepdad is an inside salesman at an international company that owns many smaller companies, one of which sells metal.

As usual, my parents have started fantasizing about all the things they can afford now. A better car. My long promised laptop. My tuition. Braces for all of us. I am excited about our new stability, but it's a cautious excitement.

I don't think I'm emotionally stable enough to get my hopes dashed again. I talked to my mom about letting me try my hand at budgeting because, to be honest, I think I could do a better job than they could. She knows it too, but she said no. "Some things you just don't want your kids to know," she said.

I am happy and nervous, but ready to enjoy a little stability for once.

I Know I Could Never Face Someone Who Could Look Like You

So after years of tolerating my stepmom's general bitchiness and her offhand snide comments, I yelled at her. Really yelled at her. It felt good, but I knew that I burned the bridge to living at my dad's. Now I'm in my mom's new house.

She woke me up last Monday at 7 A.M. and told me I couldn't "sleep all day." I guess 7 is considered late in delusionland. I had worked pretty late the night before and I was still very tired, but in an effort to maintain what sliver of tolerance I had for her I got in the shower. I was upset that she woke me up so harshly (I don't think getting 6 hours of sleep qualifies me as a "princess") and I began to cry in the shower.

I don't cry often because it makes me feel weak. I do everything I can to hide it if I do cry. So when I began to sob uncontrollably in the shower, I knew I couldn't just walk out and go about with my day because I couldn't stop. It took all I had to keep it quiet enough so she wouldn't hear me over the water.

Once I pulled it together, I got out and got dressed and put my hamper full of dirty clothes in the washing machine. I took my dad's clothes out of the dryer and began folding them in the living room thinking I was safe from more pointless persecution since my stepmom was in my room job hunting. I was wrong. She waltzed out of my room and down the hall to the living room to ask me tersely why I wasn't living with my mother.

Now, I love my mom and I know she tries, but it's hard to live when you never know if you'll have to pack up at a moment's notice and live with a random relative for God knows how long. I thought I might stay at my dad's to maintain some kind of stability.

When she asked my why I wasn't living with my mom, the dam broke and I just yelled at her, "What does it matter? I've put up with your comments and dislike towards me for years and I'm fucking tired of it. I don't know what I did to make you hate me but I won't put up with you anymore." She then went on to tell me that I never follow the one rule she set down and I told her that even when I do follow it, she finds something else to be mad at me about.

She vehemently denied that, but I didn't expect her to own up to her own flaws. I brought up the fact that her son can come and go as he pleases and she told me that it was different for him because it's her house. I asked her, wasn't it my dad's house too? Don't I deserve the same privileges? I guess I don't, she said that she pays the bills so it's her house.

"Whose room is that back there? Whose bed is that?" I asked her.

"My room! My house, my room! I'm tired of your princess act!" She replied.

"You won't have to worry about it, I'm moving out!" I finished.

I went down into the basement and waited for my clothes to dry and cried. A little loudly, I'm ashamed to admit. I texted my dad about it and he basically replied to me with lighthearted jokes. I know he loves me and I know he wants me to stay there, but I can't. She is such a self-righteous bitch. I can't handle it.

"Where am I supposed to go where it's stable AND I'm wanted?" I asked my dad.

Your Father, He Said He Needs You. Your Mother, She Said She Loves You. Your Brothers, They Echo the Words.

Well that was an angry post. I'm just worn out. I like living out here, but driving to school and to work is pretty taxing. The Fiero won't start which is also kind of any issue. haha. The thing is, it's quiet here. I see my dad pretty often, which I missed. I think I need a list.

Cons for Dad's house:

• Far from work.
• Far from school.
• Far from my mom's family.
• Far from Alex.
• Fiero is not working and my dad is not very sure why.

Pros for Dad's house: (I wrote "prose" at first, I laughed)

• Quiet.
• No one in my business all the time.
• I get to spend time with my brothers, I missed them.
• DAD
• I'm finding locations out here for my company to open stores. ($2,000 finders fee! each!)
• Close to my dad's family.
• Alex understands.
• My dad will fix the Fiero. Maybe find me a new car?

I wish my families didn't live so far apart. My mom said she is signing a lease on Monday so I could "come home" if I wanted to. I want to bring my company out here and I want to be successful at something. My dad told my stepmom that me living here is temporary, but I kind of want to stay indefinitely. I love my dad and my brothers, and I miss them because I can never get out here when I live at my mom's. I'm pretty torn now.

Take Me With You

Oh hey, I didn't see you there.

Surprise! I have to be out of my house by TOMORROW. Not September. That's just awesome. I've spent the last two days speed packing and I still have no idea where we are going. Schweet. Well I'll tell you what. I don't give a shit where my mom thinks I'm going, I'm gonna live with my dad. I don't care if my stepmom thinks it's ok to be a bitch to my face. I can't handle the stress of never knowing how and when you are going to move.

The real bitch of it is that my parents didn't even fucking tell me. I just woke up yesterday and my stepdad is packing up the tv room. No notice, just "Surprise, you have to move in two days. Yeah, we don't respect you enough to let you know what your immediate future brings."

I have packing to do.

I Left a Note and it Read: Someday You Will Be Loved

For a long time I never thought that my life was particularly trying. Maybe I was just oblivious or more laid back than I am now. Maybe I'm just worried all the time. Is that part of being an adult?

I literally laid awake last night mulling over everything I'm worried about. Mostly money issues or things related to money or things in my life that require money. Then I remembered I only had 3.75 hours last week. Fricken awesome. I'm just scared.

The lease is up on our house in September and the landlord is not going to renew it because the tard didn't pay the mortgage. So maybe I'll be living with my grandma again? I don't know if I can do that again. I love my grandparents, but the room is so small that a twin sized bed barely fits. A girl needs space.

I am scared. Really scared. I'm afraid my life will never go anywhere because I have no money to pay for the school to be secure later. I am just so fucking scared. Not something that I usually will admit freely.

My dad told me today that if I need help that I can ask him, and he'll do the best he can. I believe him, but I don't like to ask. I know that's stupid; he's my dad. I don't like to be a burden on people and I don't like asking for help. I don't like talking about it either, which is probably why I blog about my drama constantly. I feel like I'm whining or trying to do that stupid one-up "my life is so hard" shit. My boyfriend and my friends know what's going on but I still feel strange talking about it because what are they supposed to do? I'm not asking for anything and then that's just one more person worrying.

I'm scared, but I'll sort it out.

Can't Stop Looking at the Door

Various factors in the history of my life have made me that way I am today. I make a decision and that's it, end of discussion. The same goes for trust. I will trust you until you give me a reason not to. Once that happens, you can't get it back. It doesn't matter. Usually the people who get close enough to hurt me like that know better.

Honestly, it's only happened a couple of times. Recently, I've wondered if I'm being juvenile. Am I less of an adult because I can't "forgive and forget?" Less of a Christian? What about the people that hurt me? They obviously didn't care, or don't care enough now to right a wrong. So I should continuously forgive and forgive and swallow my pain? I cant do that. I'm a pretty strong person, but that would break me.

It hurts me to cut people out. I just can't have the liability of the pain again. I can't wait and wonder and bathe in my own insecurity. Maybe "adults" forgive and forget because they are too afraid to make an active choice like this. Maybe I don't want to be that kind of adult.

My Love for You is Like a Truck Berserker

As I was looking for movie times today, I came across this article. This is something I've personally never encountered. Someone doesn't like Kevin Smith? Say what? I'm going to answer that obviously biased article with one that is equally biased. I love Kevin Smith. I think his movies are funny and smart and they make me think.

Ok, I think the best way to tackle this is to do it point by point.

Movie Critic: Kevin Smith is threatening that he won't let critics see his films early and for free. Boo hoo.

It must be tough to get paid to watch and review movies. Those poor critics! People read what they write and make decisions based on their articles! Oh how difficult it must be to have influence. They most definitely deserve to get movies for free and before everyone else. The stress of it all.

MC: Smith hasn't delivered us his superhero movie.

Look, I'm not going to be making excuses for Smith. He's a big boy. I enjoy his movies and if he hasn't put out a superhero movie yet, then I'll wait until he does. If this fabled movie never comes out my life will go on.

MC: His movies are rarely as good as their reputations indicate. Some are OK, but most aren't even that.

This is his opinion, and he has a right to one. I think that each of his movies touch on a different subject and he brings a light to them that I personally hadn't considered. Take Dogma for example. I've been a practicing Catholic my entire life and his movie made light of many facets of my religion. I found his take on Catholicism very interesting and hilarious. Oh! Our movie critic also mentions that he thought Clerks 2 wasn't very good and I'd like to argue that it was even better than Clerks. With Clerks, Kevin Smith introduced himself and it was great, but Clerks 2 was a more free and relaxed kind of funny. To be honest, I wouldn't take my mother to see a Kevin Smith movie. I don't want to have the mutual experience of a donkey show with her. His brand of humor isn't for everyone. Which brings me to my next point.

MC: Smith's movies don't gross more than 50 million dollars domestically.

Like I said, his movies aren't for everyone. I think that many people have at least a small part of the person that Kevin Smith's movies are meant for in them, but most people can't, won't or don't access that part of their personality. Who knows why?

MC: Kevin Smith tells people not to read reviews and just go see movies. Movies are so expensive, so people should use the advice of "trusted critics" before making such an investment in their entertainment.

I've worked at a movie theater. I see movies all time, and I only make minimum wage. They way studios are making trailers for their movies basically illustrates the entire plot and cast of the advertised film. Even if you don't trust the flashy trailers, you know what kinds of movies you like and those that you don't. You know the good actors from the bad. You don't need to read a critic's opinion to make a choice. If it really is the money that is stopping you then there are many ways to get around paying for a full price ticket. Senior discounts. Student discounts. Matinees. Those are just the legitimate routes.

MC: Smith's internet rants are discrediting him as a filmmaker. He needs to focus on improving his craft instead of his perceived injustices. I'm just a man who needs to write about movies to pay my rent.

Oh, ok. So you can write a rant against a man who dislikes the preferential treatment you get when it comes to seeing movies, but he can't complain about how airlines treat their customers poorly? You get paid to watch free movies and talk about them. Guess what? People pay for movies and write their opinions on the internet EVERYDAY. Just because you can't laugh at a guy puking after losing a debate about the sexual orientation of hobbits doesn't make you the last word on movies. Or people, for that matter.

Cause I Saved a Few and I Keep Them in a Jar

I always thought that when I fell in love it would be with one person forever. Yeah, for today's standards, that seems pretty naive. I am, however, the kind of person that makes a decision and sticks with it. So, when I fell in love the first time I was sure that he would be my first, and only, love.

I didn't happen that way.

I could go on for days about what happened and how I feel about it, but today is just like every other day and I don't feel like thinking about it. As of right now, I have a boyfriend. I love him very much. He's another subject I could go on and on about, but I'll spare the internet the details.

He and I have a lot in common. Sense of humor. Brains. Movies. Goals. He makes me happier than I thought I would ever be. We don't have everything in common, though. I think if we did we would get bored of each other pretty quickly. I think one pretty shocking thing is that I love to read and he would rather not.

That's the only part of my old relationship I really miss. Few of my friends can appreciate the smell of a new book, or finding something truly intriguing at the bookstore. Every time I find a new book that I love, I never know who to share it with. That's the whole point of books in general. Sharing.

There have been a few solid attempts at a book swap, but everyone gets so busy that it's hard to make time for appreciating a book as it should be appreciated. The books just sit there. I'll admit that I still have a few piled up from Christmas, but I have been slowly but surely making my way through them.

I guess this has just been on my mind. I need someone to share books with.

The Days Go On, The Lights Go Off and On

This year is flying by. March is almost over. So much has already happened. I only write in simple sentences, apparently. What have I done so far?

• Got my nose pierced, but you knew that.
  
• OH! Got arrested, you knew that too.
  
• Had late night discussions about health, politics, school, traveling and religion.
  
• Reestablished my love of Ben Folds.
• Swore off and rekindled my addiction to drinking Diet Coke.
• Got stupidly drunk. More on that to follow.
  
• Started painting.
• Dropped my Spanish class because it was getting harder and harder to make it there.
• Became obsessed with cleaning my room. Ok, maybe obsessed is a strong word, but my room is generally cleaner than it used to be.

So I said there would be more about the drunk thing and here it is. On my last birthday, my birthday wish was to see my boyfriend drunk because he had already seen me drunk and it was only fair. Then, in some sick retaliation, he makes his birthday wish for his friends to see me drunk. After some oddly strong vodka cranberries, they realized I am a complete lightweight. Also, I say some pretty stupid crap. For example, "I can't feel my teeth." Or, "Associtutes," whatever that means.

The Church of Hot Addiction

It's finally happened. I told you I would do it again.This time, I got my nose pierced. Tuesday. And.....I love it. This was the only time I've ever cried during a piercing, but it wasn't because it hurt. Your eyes inevitably tear up because it feels something like getting one of your nose hairs pulled out. The person that is doing the piercing puts a cork up the nostril you are getting pierced and pushes the needle through your skin, into the cork. Then he pulls the cork and the needle out with it. On the other end of the needle he affixes your nose ring so when the needle comes out, the ring goes in.

I really liked the nose ring he chose, but because of my job I had to put a retainer in. It's not as cool since it's invisible (and I'm worried it'll fall out in my sleep), but in a few months I'll be able to change it in and out. I'll admit, it might be an addiction, but I could be doing worse. My mom wasn't pleased and I don't think my dad knows yet. For now, though, I'm happy.

We Were the Victims of Ourselves

I have an update on the arrest situation. First, I'll let you in on what I've done so far:

• We went to our local DMV, the man at the counter deferred me to a hearing officer who was a royal jackass. He sent me to a DMV a little further away who were supposedly able to reinstate my license.
• They couldn't. They suggested I see the hearing officer. I let them know that I had and that I had no intention of going back to him. So they sent me to another county's courthouse to get new papers to prove my license should be reinstated.
  
• My mom and I drove there where we got new papers. I was told to take them into the city because that was the only office that would accept them.
  
• They told us that my license WASN'T suspended and refused my fee money. They told us that I just need SR22 insurance.
• We got the insurance and they kicked it back, stating I didn't need it.
  
• So...
  

After driving all over God's green earth trying to figure out how to fix the problem, my mother and I got in touch with a family friend who is a manager at the DMV to see what he could find out for us. Apparently, when you get your learner's permit they intentionally enter some information wrong so that when you get your license the system prompts the DMV employee to ask for your SS#.

When I got my last ticket, whoever entered my information at the courthouse entered it wrong, into my learner's permit file. This created 2 separate files for me. This is what caused the confusion. This is why every agency (and sometimes different people in the same agency) told me something different.

Thank God our friend got my files combined and the insurance submitted. However, when I gave him my reinstatement papers, he noticed that the woman who gave them to me wrote that my ticket was vacated on 6-23-10. That's all well and good except I wasn't driving a Delorean. She had also put the wrong driver's license # on it. He told me I had to go back to the courthouse for new papers.

Which is what I did today. Just as we were leaving, I noticed that I only got papers for one of two tickets. SO, after getting all the papers I needed and triple checking that they were correct, we went to the nearest DMV to pay the reinstatement fee. The woman there told me that they didn't take vacated reinstatements so I have to take them downtown.

I'll hopefully be doing that tomorrow and all this hell will be behind me.

If I Wake Up in Your Mind

I have been having a series of very odd dreams. Usually I don't dream or I don't remember them. On the rare occasion I would dream, they would be extremely graphic nightmares. However, recently, my dreams have been suspenseful, action packed, and filled with subconscious danger. The danger part isn't new.

My dreams are usually centered around me (and sometimes others) in immediate peril. It's my job to run or find some solution. My dreams never actually end. I never save the day. I just wake up as terrified and confused as I was in my dream.

Lately, my dreams have gotten exciting. I was involved in an intergalactic coup last week. I still didn't save the day, but the details in the dream were amazing. The plots are intricate and mostly make sense. I wish I could remember more of them, but the longer I'm awake, the more I forget.

It May Seem Like a Stretch

Sooo.....

I was arrested eight days ago. (I wonder if it was in the blotter) Now, if you asked any of my family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, people I've walked past on the street they would all tell you how unlikely I was to be arrested. I'm not the kind of person who lives life on the edge and plays by their own rules. As a matter of fact, I play by all the rules. Sometimes I even make up extra rules.

It all stems from the innumerable problems with bureaucracy and my need for speed. I was driving home from work late on Friday and all I wanted to do was go home and watch a movie with my boyfriend. He was almost there already, but I must have caught every light. In my eagerness to get home, I may have accelerated a bit prematurely where the speed limit goes from 40 to 55 at a place that is frequented by the police. I should have known that he'd be waiting right there for someone to do something stupid like I did.

So I flew past this policeman and half a mile later he pulled up right behind me with his lights shining through the night. He was young and actually pretty handsome, but he was all business when he asked my for my license and insurance. Then he lets me know that I was going too fast and that my car is too loud, but he'll let the noise slide - this time. Then he went back to his car to look up my record and write me a ticket.

I sit and I wait. And wait. And wait. Then another squad car pulls up behind him and they both walk up to my car. So Officer Friendly asked my to get out of the car and follow him behind it. Then he seriously said to me, "I'm going to ask you a question and you need to be completely honest with me. Did you know your license is suspended?" I knew my license wasn't. I had taken care of it more than 6 months ago. He apologized to me and told me that he had double checked my record and that my license was, in fact, suspended.

So he made me lean against the rear of my car, and he cuffed me. Then he walked me over to his squad car and frisked me. FRISKED me. Like I walk around with a gun or something. Seriously, I border nerdiness and I was frisked. So he tucks me into the backseat of the squad car while he and his police buddy look through my car. Then, the other guy points out something in my passenger seat that they both find amusing. Satisfied that I don't run a drug cartel out of my Fiero. Officer Friendly returns to his squad car and his comrade leaves in his. Then we wait some more for the tow truck.

As we are waiting, I see my boyfriend's car drive by. A few minutes later, my mom and step dad pull up right in front of the tow truck with my car on it's flatbed. My mother runs from her car towards the officer, demanding to know where the person who was in that car was. He tells her that he has arrested me. My boyfriend then pulled up behind me. From the moment the officer told me he had to arrest me I had been fighting the urge to laugh or asked if I was being punk'd, but all this was too much.

After the tow truck drove away, the officer returned to his squad car and asked me what it was like to drive a Fiero and he told me about my mom. On the drive to the station, he was speeding and instant messaging with another officer who in no uncertain terms told him he was weak for stopping me. I was driving a Fiero, that's just too cool, I guess. I'm pretty sure that's double illegal, but he's cop.

So we arrived at the station and he led me, still cuffed, to a processing area. Finally I got the cuffs off and he tells me to sit down in the corner. He starts entering all my information into an ancient computer asking me questions here and there like my SS# or my previous crimes. He took my fingerprints and some mug shots. Awesome! He called someone to have something printed and they told him I had quite the party waiting for me upstairs. We had witty banter, which is nice I suppose. I think my favorite part of the whole ordeal was when he was asking me questions towards the end like, "Do you know any drug dealers?" or "Do you know anyone is possession of an illegal weapon?" or "Do you know anyone who has committed a crime in Lake County?" I told him my dead grandfather was involved in organized crime, but other than that, no. He told me I didn't seem the type. After I signed myself out of jail, recognizance bond, he walked me through the station. He carried my purse the whole way, I was very impressed.

He lets me out into the waiting area where my mom, step dad, boyfriend, and friend/coworker/neighbor were all waiting. My friend and my boyfriend were laughing and my parents had very concerned looks on their faces. I showed them the marks on my wrists from the cuffs. My mom was horrified.

To the Front of the Room

I have sometimes wondered how people can get excited about a career that isn't exciting to me. This technical writing class has opened my eyes. My class is made up of international students, career professionals going back to school, young students with no idea what they want to do, and young students who do know what they want to do and know that this class is for them.

Some of the students want to be engineers, pharmacists, doctors, translators...the list goes on. One girl wants to work with, and know everything about, materials. Just materials. Concrete and the like. Who wants to know about concrete when they grow up?

Basically this class teaches how to write manuals, memos, and other boring professional documents. I'm in it because the premed counseling brochure said I should. I'm doing well so far. I see how this will be an asset in my career. Maybe one day I'll want to submit something to a medical journal or simply just write a report about a particular case.

But I want to be a doctor. That's interesting. There is a certain amount of glamor and intrigue. Cement? Not so much. But these people are totally invested in their chosen paths. All I want to know is why they are so interested in these paths.

I Had Sworn to Myself That I'm Content

A lot of this blog is mopey, whiny, my-life-is-so-hard crap. I'm pretty okay with that. Everyone needs an outlet, and I suppose this is mine. What I am not okay with is that I haven't written anything smart or thoughtful in quite some time. I could blame this on my mundane classes (Advanced Technical Writing, anyone?) or my mundane job or any number of blah blah blah super whiny crap. I can only blame myself. I haven't gotten very worked up over any current events or ridiculous occurrences in my life that are in any way interesting.

Oh, no! I've gotten boring. I'm just like....everyone else!

I've degraded my life to soap operas, and work, and gossip. This is no way for me to act. I disapprove. If you look to the right, you'll see that so far I've only read 3 books this year. That is an all time low. I've been reading nonstop since I was 4 or 5. No more I say!

I'm definitely going to work on posting things of actual substance instead of some angsty teenager bull.

Fastidious and Precise

My little pumpkin patch is under the weather and I can't make her better. She is super adorable laying on the couch, though. It's kind of sweet when she looks up at me with my same eyes. I wish she was still little so I could scoop her up and rock her to sleep like I used to.

It breaks my heart when she says she isn't pretty. She has curly, red hair and the cutest smile. Once boys her age figure out girls don't have cooties, she'll be beating them away with a stick. If I let her out of the house. :)

Algo Que Decir

I have taken 5 years of Spanish, but it's been almost three years since that last class. I figured I should take some more because one third of my future clients will probably be Spanish speakers. Realizing how long it's been and how rusty my Spanish is, I took the proficiency exam so that I could skip the beginner classes, but not enroll in a class that was too hard for me. The test placed me in Spanish 222.

In the name of all that is good, that class is fucking hard. No english, ever. The textbook doesn't even have any english. I have to use the Spanish-English dictionary just to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing.

The awesome part is that I actually am really loving it. There is something about the language that is slightly more effective than English. The verbs are very exact. Your intention is so much more clear, but that does mean you have to choose your words wisely. If you said to a girl, "Eres bonita," she would be very flattered. If you told her, "Estas bonita" she might get a little ticked because you told her she was beautiful, but only in a temporary sense. The verbs both translate to the same thing in English, but have different intentions in Spanish. I just love it.

There is Comfort in the Sound

I have been cleaning and ordering and organizing a lot lately. My head gets very clear when I'm cleaning. No clothes on my floor, all my books alphabetized (by author), and my bed made. It helps me cope a little. I feel better. Sometimes I can just sit on my neat bed and I don't need to be doing anything to distract myself anymore. Just let the music play in the background and relax.

If You are Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands

I found my dream pet. They are rediculously expensive but oh so adorable, a combination I find makes a perfect pet these days. I present the micro or teacup pig.

Precious, right?